IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
now a days
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are spending
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
hard earned
Use the right word
hard-earned
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on
celebrations
Fix the agreement mistake
celebration
show examples
events
Use synonyms
 & wedding parties.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 several
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a waste of
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
events
Use synonyms
 are
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 part of life &
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must be acceptable. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views will be discussed before presenting my own opinion. On one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 believe that spending
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hard earned
Use the right word
hard-earned
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on unnecessary things in a marriage or party is a waste
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 spending on
fire crackers
Use the right word
firecrackers
show examples
. Because that
money
Use synonyms
 can be used for many social & welfare works, to improve
such
Linking Words
organization
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
, like spending on painting in schools, health sectors, NGOs, so that it proves to be economical in all aspects.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if a person
is spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 their income on social
reform
Punctuation problem
reform,
show examples
 it will help society to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from that spending.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the
othar
Correct your spelling
other
 hand
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 argue that celebrations always
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to share their culture,
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
,traditions and
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to keep their relationship strong
,these
Punctuation problem
. These
show examples
 are the only
events
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 meet their loved ones and feel
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by attending the
events
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if a person invites
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their relations
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
events
Punctuation problem
events,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they feel it as
opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
show examples
 to meet and revive their relationship. In conclusion, both sides have strong statements to support their views, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
care should be taken to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 things in every event celebration, so that it might not harm the decorum of the event.

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grammar
Fix big errors in grammar and spelling. Use short, clear sentences. Example: 'On the other hand' instead of 'One the othar hand'.
structure
Make clear paragraphs. Have an intro, two or three body parts for the views, and a short conclusion.
cohesion
Use linking words to join ideas: 'however', 'but', 'and', 'in addition', 'for example'. This helps flow.
content
Give stronger and more real examples to show your point. Explain how the example fits your view.
style
Keep each sentence short. Do not try to put many ideas in one sentence.
content
The essay shows a attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
There is an opening and a conclusion.
language
Words are simple and easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • waste of money
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • materialistic values
  • unrealistic expectations
  • special occasion
  • celebration
  • strengthening relationships
  • social bonds
  • boosting local economies
  • creating jobs
  • lasting memories
  • financial responsibility
What to do next:
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