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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
These two pie chart figures illustrate how different
manufactures
Use the right word
manufacturers
show examples
 used electricity in 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it`s obvious that
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 field has the dominant
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in both years, and service has the lowest amount in 2005, but it slightly increased in 2005. In 1995, 33
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of all industries accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 manufacturing and
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
 slightly declined by 2% by 2005. Followed by
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
section
Punctuation problem
section,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 24% in
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
 has decreased to 21% in 2005.
Fishery
Correct article usage
The fishery
show examples
 field
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the third largest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 in
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
 has dropped from 20% to 13% by
reaching
Verb problem
apply
show examples
2005. Household
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, slightly rose by 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in 1995 it was 15% and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% by 2005. Service
busniss
Correct your spelling
business
 was the lowest among all the others in electricity
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 with a
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of 8% in 1995, but in 2005 the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 has increased by 7% which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it no
more
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 the lowest part.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • industries
  • electricity usage
  • 1995
  • 2005
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • service sector
  • manufacturing sector
  • residential sector
  • agricultural sector
  • main features
  • summarize
  • reporting
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