IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems, related to this? What are some possible solution.

Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is our responsibility to take
care
Use synonyms
 of
parents
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the fast-pace
show examples
fast-pace
Use the right word
fast pace
show examples
 of life, many young generations are unable to give enough time or
care
Use synonyms
 for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. In my opinion
main two
Correct word order
two main
show examples
 reasons are, nuclear family and migration in the hunt
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be handled by increasing family bonds, and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heiring
Correct your spelling
hiring
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 professional
Use synonyms
care taker
Use the right word
caretaker
show examples
, who will take
care
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 in
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of their
children’s
Check wording
children
show examples
. To commence, in
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 world, the old
age
Use synonyms
 are neglected by their young ones, mainly
due to
Linking Words
 two reasons,
firstly
Linking Words
, the present family is
nuclear
Correct article usage
a nuclear
show examples
 family,
as a result
Linking Words
 , there is no one to stay at
home
Use synonyms
 and
care
Use synonyms
 for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to support one’s life and future generation, both
parents
Use synonyms
 have to work,
as well as
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 need to move to
Correct article usage
an
show examples
urban area.
Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
 generation holding lots of responsibility
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
,
only
Correct pronoun usage
they only
show examples
one
Verb problem
have one
show examples
 week off, resulting loss of touch with
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
, causing
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
to be
show examples
 all alone with their disabilities and
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
Childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 need to be in touch with
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
, by video calling, in between visiting
parents
Use synonyms
,
having
Correct word choice
and having
show examples
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 gathering.
Subsequently
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, heiring
show examples
heiring
Correct your spelling
hiring
 a professional staff to take
of
Check wording
care of
show examples
parent
Correct article usage
the parent
show examples
, they can meet the needs of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 person.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the governments should take more initiative
for starting
Change preposition
to start
show examples
 old
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 cheaper rates,
for instance
Linking Words
, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
run
Correct subject-verb agreement
runs
show examples
 old
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 by
heiring
Correct your spelling
hiring
 professionals to take
care
Use synonyms
 of senior citizens in advance
setting
Fix the agreement mistake
settings
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
 old aged are not neglected. Conclusion,
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
there
many
Verb problem
are many
show examples
 causes the present generation unable to
follow
Verb problem
fulfilling
show examples
 their responsibility towards
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 these problems can be solved by
heiring
Correct your spelling
hiring
 professional staff,
as well as
Linking Words
, government starting with scheme of old
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, free treatment can mitigate the problem
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 elderly people
be
Verb problem
can be
show examples
 nurtured well.

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task
Plan your essay. Start with a short view (your opinion) and end with a clear conclusion. Use one idea per paragraph. Make the two problems and the two fixes clear.
strength
The essay has an idea on the topic and tries to solve it.
structure
There is a start and a finish to the writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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