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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

Children have presented parents and societies with a number of challenges and decisions, none of which is too rudimentary to ignore.
However
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, the crux of the matter is guiding them towards the correct path in life.
While
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 some argue that doing things that can create a great deal of excitement for children can play a crucial role in increasing creativity and mental powers, in my view,
although
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 underestimating the importance of interest in making them motivated to progress is not logical, reading skills are too important to be ignored. On the one hand, having enough motivation is a must for learning each ability. To clarify, when pupils participate in classes that can make them up to maximum happy, it is no wonder they have a tendency to keep going.
In other words
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, the more they do it, the more enthusiastic they can be.
For example
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, many children are able to play video games for long hours without getting tired
due to
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 their passion, which leads to boosting their analytical skills,
such
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 as seeking alternatives and solving problems, since they have to try a wide variety of ways to complete a mission as they play games.
On the other hand
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, reading goes a long way in activating their mind. In fact, as they read books, they can get familiar with different cultures, customs and traditions, which can lead to greater global awareness among schoolchildren, since they can broaden their horizons towards a wide variety of topics that can not be found in routine activities. In
this
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 way, they can increase the capacity of their brain, since they are forced to follow the story step by step and
memorize
Change the spelling
memorise
show examples
 a lot of vocabulary. In conclusion,
while
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 passion is what learning a new skill is all about, it does not necessarily mean it can be enough to increase talent among school-goers. I strongly believe
this
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 is the massive responsibility of high-ranking officials to combine interests with reading skills to shape their future much better.

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task response
Make your position very clear in the first paragraph and keep it steady through the essay.
grammar style
Break long, tricky sentences into shorter ones. This helps stay clear.
examples
Use more real, specific examples that back up your point and show how they prove it.
coherence
Add clear linking words to move from one idea to the next smoothly.
structure
You show both sides, which is good.
ideas
You try to link ideas with examples and show a view.
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