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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph gives information about male and femalegym memberships between 1980 and 2010

The graph gives information about male and femalegym memberships between 1980 and 2010
The line graph elaborates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the men and women going to gym
participation
Check wording
apply
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during the period 1980 to 2010, which is expressed in 1000 to 5000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 both
sex
Check wording
sex'
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 tranding fuctuating graph, the
mens
Correct your spelling
men's
 participation for activities
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 higher than
females
Check wording
that of women
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, in the beginning
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 by the
end
Punctuation problem
end,
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femeals
Correct your spelling
women
 had double
membership
Correct article usage
the membership
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 than men
towords
Correct your spelling
towards
 the deadline. To commence, in 1990 the
males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
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 activity for exercise was 2000, which considerably rose to double by 5 years
,
Punctuation problem
;
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nonetheless
Linking Words
, by 1995 it suddenly dropped
down
Rephrase
apply
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below 2000. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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 to
this
Linking Words
, after a
decaded
Correct your spelling
decade
 it significantly climbed to 5000, yet after 5 years again collapsed below
thousand
Correct article usage
a thousand
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the female members
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 thousand in 1980, which gradually rose
approximately to
Correct word order
to approximately
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 3000, though it was unsteady
another
Change preposition
for another
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 5 years, yet
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 constant
Change preposition
at
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2000 by 2010.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
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 females showed a gain of 1000
membership
Replace the word
members more
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 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 by the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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