Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #celebrations #waste

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People have different views on whether it is essential to invest a large sum of

money

in family get-togethers or

Correct word choice

whether it

show examples

money

squandering.

While

there are some downsides to investing

money

in family events, I believe it will help people live a meaningful life. There are a number of reasons why indulging in lavish spending is significant for family celebrations. One possible reason is that arranging glamorous ceremonies can be advantageous for both people and the community.

For example

, a nice wedding party or a fantastic birthday party can stick in one's mind as a delightful memory, so it is important for individuals.

Moreover

, ceremonies are a part and parcel of society's culture, so spending

money

on them is a way of preserving the nation's traditions.

On the other hand

although

a fancy celebration can be unforgettable, it can

also

come with a huge price and the cost can create unpleasant thoughts about that program in one's mind.

For instance

, a person who takes a loan from a bank to arrange his wedding functions has to pay the instalments for months and it would be hard for him to enjoy that night without remembering the future repayments.

Therefore

, to hold programs on family occasions may be a burden for a person in some cases as it is

money

-consuming

Correct word choice

and, thus

show examples

thus

thought-provoking. In conclusion, an expensive ceremony can be indelible.

However

this

memory can be provided with as many financial resources as it can ruin that reminiscence. In my opinion,

money

is meant to be spent to bring joy to life,

therefore

spending

money

for arranging

such

events is acceptable unless it causes other problems at that time or in the future.

Submitted by faisalmahamood on Sun Jan 21 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. While you have presented a balanced discussion, providing more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience will strengthen your arguments and meet the requirement for a higher score. Incorporating a personal touch or a detailed case study can make your essay stand out.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, it's good that you have a clear overall progression in your essay. However, to achieve a higher score, work on making the transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother, and ensure that paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas that are elaborated upon with supporting sentences.

Coherence and Cohesion

Include a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words and phrases) and organize your ideas more effectively to make your essay more coherent. This can include contrasting expressions to highlight differences in opinion or cause and effect connectors to enhance the flow of ideas.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cherish
nurture
strengthen
bond
create memories
enjoyment
sense of belonging
reconnect
unite
traditions
create traditions
financial burden
priorities
moderation
budget
frugal
extravagant

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