IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. Do you agree or disagree?

For the safeguard of the
future
Use synonyms
, every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
teenagers
Punctuation problem
teenagers,
show examples
 should save
money
Use synonyms
. A number of arguments surrounded my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people have ups and downs in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. So,
tackle
Verb problem
to tackle
show examples
 and overcome
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emergency situations, individuals should save
money
Use synonyms
. As a human being
our
Punctuation problem
, our
show examples
 body
deteriorated
Wrong verb form
deteriorates
show examples
 over
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 we can not work entire of our
Use synonyms
life
Correct word choice
entire life
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to bear
expenses
Correct article usage
the expenses
show examples
 of our
life
Use synonyms
 after we
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
 from our jobs, every individual needs to save
money
Use synonyms
. We can reduce our daily expenditure by avoiding purchasing unnecessary things in an attempt to
keep
Verb problem
save
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. Rather than
savings
Use the right word
saving
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
 for the
acquire
Replace the word
acquisition
show examples
 of high-priced items,
for instance
Linking Words
,
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 a car,
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 value
depreciated
Wrong verb form
depreciates
show examples
 over a period of time, we should invest our savings into various financial instruments,
for example
Linking Words
, put
money
Use synonyms
 into
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying treasury bonds/shares or invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
show examples
 deposit account, which will generate
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
 return.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 it’s significantly important for an entrepreneur who
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
show examples
 to start their own venture in the
future
Use synonyms
. An individual can start his own business
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if he
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 saving
money
Use synonyms
 at an early stage.
Instead
Linking Words
 of taking
loan
Correct article usage
a loan
show examples
 from
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 to start a business
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will incur
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 burden on an individual in the form of interest, a person
easily
Verb problem
can easily
show examples
 start his venture by using his
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of enjoying the moments and spending
money
Use synonyms
 without thinking could have severe adverse effect on his
future
Use synonyms
. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 with
close
Correct word choice
closed
show examples
 eyes and not
aware
Verb problem
being aware
show examples
 of the consequences of it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 hard at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older age. Thoughtful expenditure is the key
in acquire
Change preposition
to acquiring
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
. The same thing
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
also
Linking Words
. To make them understand the significance of saving and how hard it is to earn hard
cash
Use synonyms
, guardian should encourage their children to save
cash
Use synonyms
 at a very young age. In place of living in the present and spending rigorously, everyone should
thing
Use the right word
think
show examples
 about their
future
Use synonyms
, when they need support in the form of
money
Use synonyms
 to meet their daily needs and to live peacefully and respectfully without burden on any person.

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structure
Plan before you write. Start with a short intro that states your view. End with a short conclusion.
cohesion
Use one main idea per paragraph. Add linking words to show how ideas fit together.
grammar
Use simple grammar and spelling. Check verb tense and subject-verb in each sentence.
content
Give clear examples and explain how they show your point.
content
The idea to save money for future needs is clear.
content
You mention many good reasons like emergencies, retirement, and starting a business.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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