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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In the 20th century, contact between different parts of the world has developed rapidly thanks to air travel and telecommunications. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, modern technology is developing day by day, making it easier to connect different parts of the world.
Air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 and telecommunications have certain drawbacks, but they
also
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leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to many benefits. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 development. On the one hand, there are several advantages of
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 and telecommunications.
Firstly
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, people can easily buy or receive products from other countries without leaving home.
For example
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, online shopping allows customers to order goods from abroad, saving time and effort. İn addition, telecommunication helps people build international friendships and access online education.
For instance
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, language learners can practise speaking with native speakers from other countries through online platforms.
On the other hand
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, these developments
also
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 have disadvantages. First and foremost,
air
Use synonyms
travel
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 increases
air
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 pollution,and
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way,
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of gas in the
air
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become
Verb problem
apply
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increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 contributes to global warming and health problems.
Moreover
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, spending too much time on electronic devices can cause addiction, especially among children. Communicating with strangers online may
also
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 expose them to safety risks. In conclusion,
although
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air
Use synonyms
travel
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 and telecommunications can harm the environment and affect people’s health, their advantages in improving global communication and convenience outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Add more details for each point. Give a clearer view of which side is stronger and why.
coherence
Link ideas with smoother words. Use one idea in order, and connect it to the next with words like also, but, in addition, therefore.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling. Do not miss word 'in addition', and watch verb form and ending.
content
Use more real or clear examples to show your point.
structure
There is a clear look at both sides.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
content
The examples are simple and easy to see.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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