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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, everyone wore clothes according to their culture, but now people wear similar clothes all around the world. Is this positive or negative development Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience

In
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
show examples
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 traditional costumes were considered significant.
However
Linking Words
, with
evolution
Add a comma
evolution,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's preference for clothing has shifted, and everyone wears
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 form of
clothes
Use synonyms
 throughout the world. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 change is positive as it offers several benefits to humans.
Firstly
Linking Words
, wearing
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
similar outfits
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are usually tops, jeans or
shirts
Punctuation problem
shirts,
show examples
 to name a
few
Punctuation problem
few,
show examples
 provides the upside of being comfortable. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are consumed with various tasks that can be
phyiscally
Correct your spelling
physically
 demanding
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as standing for longer hours or lifting heavy weights, and wearing clothing that will not
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
act as a barrier to
such
Linking Words
 tasks will enable them to perform
such
Linking Words
strentous
Correct your spelling
strenuous
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
As a result
Linking Words
 , wearing
clothes
Use synonyms
 which
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
more light
Correct word choice
lighter
show examples
 and
less-restrictive
Use the right word
less restrictive
show examples
 can be advantageous.
Moreover
Linking Words
, wearing
such
Linking Words
 formal styles will
considerably
Verb problem
be considerably
show examples
 time-efficient. In recent times,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population
world-wide
Use the right word
worldwide
show examples
 are working professionals who operate on tight schedules.
Consequently
Linking Words
, individuals prefer spending less time on activities other than
work
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as dressing or eating and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 wearing formal
work
Use synonyms
clothes
Use synonyms
 can be less
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, wearing traditional
clothes
Use synonyms
 can require
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 amount of time.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 select
daily-wear
Use the right word
daily wear
show examples
 which can be suitable
according to
Linking Words
 their
work
Use synonyms
 demands and time-saving.
However
Linking Words
, wearing
clothes
Use synonyms
 that belong to
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 culture is equally significant because it represents
tradition
Correct article usage
the tradition
show examples
 of a country.
Clothes
Use synonyms
 are often considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important part of culture, which signifies
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 and customs of a community.
For example
Linking Words
, the traditional saree of India is
widely
Correct article usage
a widely
show examples
 popular clothing
,which
Check wording
item,which
show examples
 largely
symbolizes
Change the spelling
symbolises
show examples
 the Hindu traditions.
Consequently
Linking Words
, wearing cultural dresses can help citizens of various nations to showcase their countries'
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 or history to
people
Use synonyms
 from different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. In my opinion,
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 traditional
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
show examples
 can offer the benefit of cultural representation to a nation.
However
Linking Words
, wearing
generalized
Change the spelling
generalised
show examples
 clothing options can provide the merits of being comfortable and less
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
, especially in
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
-driven world.

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language
Fix small spell and word use. For instance, correct 'phyiscally' to 'physically' and 'strentous' to 'strenuous'.
structure
Make each paragraph have one clear idea. Start with a topic sentence, then add a reason or example.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas go with each other, like 'for example', 'also', 'however', 'in addition'.
content
Give more strong examples. You mention one case. Add more clear and real life example to show your point.
position
The writer shows a real view that the change is good.
scope
The essay tries to show two sides and a balance between comfort and culture.
clarity
Some ideas are easy to read and easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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