IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity.However,somepeople feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are more fond of shopping than ever before and shopping has
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a
from
Use the right word
form
show examples
 of leisure activity. There
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been
profound
Correct article usage
a profound
show examples
 impact on both individuals and
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 passage will focus on the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the phenomenon and the influence it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 out.
People
Use synonyms
 treat shopping as a kind of relaxing activity mainly because they are designed to do so. As we all know that the economic development of the
society
Use synonyms
 needs the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
. The government can
collects
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 when
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 purchase the
products
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
companies
Use synonyms
 and the factories sell the
products
Use synonyms
 to the customers to earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profits. So the
companies
Use synonyms
 research the new
products
Use synonyms
 to attract customers to replace the old ones, and the governments,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, promote
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 by issuing coupons to the local
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to spend time shopping in the mall, buy high-priced
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as e-cars, computers and
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 iPhone. Another vital reason is that with the development of the whole
society
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 have more money than ever before, so we have the ability to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life by spending time consuming.
This
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 influences city dwellers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 pretty much. As for individuals, the more we purchase the
products
Use synonyms
 manufactured by the
companies
Use synonyms
, the more profits they earn. These
companies
Use synonyms
 have more money to research
batter
Use the right word
better
show examples
 and more reliable commodities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the customers can enjoy the new ones at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 or even lower price compared to the old ones, with more useful functions. Meanwhile, the whole
society
Use synonyms
 will be more advanced thanks to the research of new
products
Use synonyms
 made by the
companies
Use synonyms
. Because the more new
products
Use synonyms
 we invent, the more we are likely to get into a higher degree of
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
show examples
.

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task
Fix the main idea. State why people shop and how it affects life more clearly.
structure
Plan before you write. Use a short intro, then 2 or 3 clear ideas, then a short end.
language
Use easy words. Check for errors like 'has became' and 'collects'.
conclusion
End with a short sum up of the points.
content
The text tries to answer both why shopping is popular and its effect.
examples
The writer uses real life things like malls and new goods.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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