IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Because of our modern lifestyle and work pressure,
people
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 nowadays are too busy to cook healthy meals at home;
as a result
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,
people
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 are suffering from various
health
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 issues by consuming fast
food
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. Some
people
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 argue that increasing taxes might discourage
people
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 from consuming fast
food
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. I totally disagree with the statement and will explain my perspective on
this
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 topic. First and foremost, consuming a lot of fast
food
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 can really affect
people
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's
health
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 as it contains high calories and sometimes chemicals, which can create serious
health
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 problems if eaten in huge quantities.
However
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, I believe
this
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 is not the only reason for
health
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 issues;
for instance
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, because of the overpopulation and high demand for
food
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, energy, and accommodation,
people
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 are using a lot of chemical
fertilizer
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fertilisers
show examples
. Factories are
also
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 cutting down trees to create homes for the massive growth of the population,
thus
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 affecting the environment and causing air, water, and even soil pollution, which is damaging
people
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's
health
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.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 often work overtime at the office just because they are asked to complete a specific task within a provided timeline. Because of overtime,
people
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 have less personal time,
thus
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 making it difficult for them to cook.
For instance
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, most companies' working
hours
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 are 9 am to 6 pm, which is really a long period of time, and adding extra overtime could take up an additional 3
hours
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 of their day. After working
such
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 long
hours
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, most
people
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 feel tired, and their morale goes down for cooking,
thus
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 leading them to eat fast
food
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instead
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 of cooking their own meal. In conclusion, only increasing taxes on fast
food
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 is not a smart solution to tackle
this
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 global problem. To reduce
health
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 issues, governments should focus on the environment first and
then
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 make strict policies to reduce working
hours
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 so that
people
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 can have personal time and cook healthy
food
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 for themselves.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first part and keep it in the rest of the writing.
coherence
Link each idea to the tax and health. Do not go far from the task.
structure
Give 2 or 3 clear reasons with short, easy examples.
coherence
Use simple words that show order, like First, Next, Also, Then, So, In short.
clarity
The reading is easy to follow because the words are simple.
stance
A clear view is shown at the start: you take a side.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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