Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and apes together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some

part

Use synonyms

of the population believes that

music

Use synonyms

is a delightful way to unite

people

Use synonyms

of all ages from various places around the world. I moderately agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion , but I accept that there are lots of advantages

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

approach.

Overall

Linking Words

, obviously,

music

Use synonyms

is one of the best methods of bringing

people

Use synonyms

Rephrase

together.

show examples

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

approach works only on a particular group of the population.

Firstly

Linking Words

, definitely, a huge

part

Use synonyms

of humanity likes listening to

music

Use synonyms

in their headphones.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the majority of them

also

Linking Words

love parties,

music

Use synonyms

festivals, etc.,

therefore

Linking Words

, if they were given an opportunity to go to

such

Linking Words

an event, they would jump

into

Change preposition

show examples

the chance.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they would probably take their friends out with them. To my knowledge, these

people

Use synonyms

do not concern themselves with problems when they are entertaining at

music

Use synonyms

events.

As a result

Linking Words

, when

people

Use synonyms

from different parts of the world often come to clubs or parties, they make new friends

due to

Linking Words

boredom.

For instance

Linking Words

, I know a lot of

people

Use synonyms

who have made friends, particularly using

this

Linking Words

approach. They said to me that it was a significant experience for them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are

people

Use synonyms

who are not real fans of

music

Use synonyms

and are not used to listening to it.

For instance

Linking Words

, I would choose a quiet place without any noise rather than an overcrowded one. In

this

Linking Words

case,

people

Use synonyms

like me do not go to the parties, clubs or other places with

music

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, these two groups of

people

Use synonyms

perfectly balance each other, so there are no problems with those who do not attend similar events. In conclusion,

music

Use synonyms

is a really good way to bring

people

Use synonyms

together , but only

part

Use synonyms

of those who love

music

Use synonyms

. Meanwhile, the other

part

Use synonyms

still stays at home or another quiet place. But they do not have to listen to

music

Use synonyms

if they do not want to. Everyone chooses the most appropriate life path for themselves.

prugynov.v

Nov 19, 2025

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planning

Plan your writing before you start. State your view in the first lines. Then give 2 short ideas with one example each. End with a clear touch that repeats your view.

structure

Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence. Use simple link words like and, but, also to join thoughts.

content

Give real and clear ideas of how music can bring people from different places. Give one simple example for each idea. Keep to simple facts you can prove.

language

Fix small grammar and use short, easy sentences. Avoid very long lines. Use easy words only.

content

The writer shows a view on the topic.

structure

The text uses some good links like In conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

329 words

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