IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that schools should only teach childrens subject which are beneficial to their future career and therefore other subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

It is
Correct article usage
an undenieable
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undenieable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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education
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Some people argue that, for
future
Use synonyms
achievements
Add a comma
achievements,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should focus on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 rather
on
Change preposition
than on
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
music
Use synonyms
 and
sport
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
statement
Correct article usage
the statement
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 and think it
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
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 a lot of disadvantages for pupils in school.In
my both
Correct word order
both my
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 academic and creative
subjects
Use synonyms
 is the most effective approach
.
Verb problem
is.
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Firstly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 in schools nowadays
required
Wrong verb form
requires
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 a lot
energy
Change preposition
of energy
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 and effort,without any physical activity and
Correct article usage
an
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interesting approach in
education
Use synonyms
we
Punctuation problem
, we
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 can not
to
Verb problem
apply
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reach our goals.
Chilren
Correct your spelling
Children
Verb problem
are naturely
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naturely
Correct your spelling
naturally
 very active and curious to learning .
However
Linking Words
 to force them
only
Verb problem
to only
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 teach
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be boring and not engageable.
Also
Linking Words
,
studiying
Correct your spelling
studying
 without
psycal
Correct your spelling
physical
 activity can cause double stress and demotivation. As we now
sport
Use synonyms
 can effectively reduce stress, improve
concetration
Correct your spelling
concentration
 and help in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 process.
Addionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
sport
Use synonyms
 can help pupils to improve their communication and leadership skills and working in a team.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and
paint
Replace the word
painting
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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also
Linking Words
controbuting
Wrong verb form
contribute to
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 creative mind and analytical skills.
To have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
 these
subjects
Use synonyms
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to relax and
extract
Verb problem
release
show examples
 their negative emotions. The conduct survey in Japan showed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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children
Use synonyms
regularly
Correct pronoun usage
who regularly
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 have
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and
musc
Correct your spelling
music
lessons
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
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 academically
luckier
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 than others.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, a well-rounded
education
Use synonyms
 can help pupils to
discovery
Replace the word
discover
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 their talents and shape their
future
Use synonyms
 career path.
Engageing
Correct your spelling
Engaging
 them in
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 and
paint
Replace the word
painting
show examples
Use synonyms
lessons
Punctuation problem
lessons,
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children
Use synonyms
 can
discovery
Replace the word
discover
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 their hidden talents and their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 help them to
memorize
Change the spelling
memorise
show examples
lessons
Use synonyms
 well, and increase their
well being
Use the right word
well-being
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. Research shows that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 with musical and
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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 are better at fixing tasks.
Also
Linking Words
, additional classes help them to manage their spare time effectively and prevent them from bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, focusing on main
subjects
Use synonyms
 might
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promise a brighter
future
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
include
Replace the word
including
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 as
music
Use synonyms
 and
pait
Correct your spelling
art
 can be beneficial too. Educational system every country should take
Change preposition
into considiration
show examples
considiration
Correct your spelling
consideration
Correct article usage
the
show examples
future
Use synonyms
prospective
Use the right word
perspective
show examples
 and
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
practises
Use the right word
practices
show examples
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
 countries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can help
children
Use synonyms
 develop both ways as academic and
mental
Replace the word
mentally
show examples
. A
well balanced
Use the right word
well-balanced
show examples
curicculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 system
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 a perfect combination of modern
educataion
Correct your spelling
education
.

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structure
Plan your essay well. Start with a short intro that restates the prompt. Then have 2 body parts with one main idea in each. End with a short conclusion.
grammar
Fix the grammar and form. Use simple and clear sentences. Check subject and verb, plural, and punctuation.
content
Give clear and real examples for each point. The one about Japan is not used well; explain what you learn from it.
coherence
Use link words to guide the reader, such as first, also, but, in addition, therefore. This helps flow.
strength
You show a clear view that many subjects can help a pupil.
strength
You talk about sport and art as a help to learn.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • subject
  • career
  • future
  • work
  • music
  • sport
  • art
  • health
  • mind
  • body
  • learn
  • grow
  • help
  • plan
  • balance
  • project
  • club
  • teacher
  • student
  • class
  • lesson
  • idea
  • reason
  • example
  • policy
  • include
  • access
  • time
  • effort
What to do next:
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