IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extend do you agree of disagree with this statement?

In recent years, people have been trying to create a
cure
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 for old and new viruses. They think that prevention is better than
Use synonyms
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
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. Out of a country's
health
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 budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on
health
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education
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 and preventative measures. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I'll elaborate on whether I disagree or agree and give my opinion
at the end
Linking Words
.
Firstly
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, many countries are devoted to stopping or preventing a virus
that is
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 decreasing the population.
For instance
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, cancer
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 many countries are trying to find a solution for it, but to
this
Linking Words
 day, there are no cures for it.
Furthermore
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, I suggest spending it equally, because finding a
cure
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 for a virus will take a long time either way
,
Punctuation problem
. Also
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also
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,
health
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education
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 and preventative measures can't be ignored, because
health
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education
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 will improve over time , and the chances of curing a virus will increase.
Secondly
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, many countries'
health
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 budgets don't allow them to spend much on
health
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education
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Indonesia refers to treatment rather than
health
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education
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.
Consequently
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, its curing per cent increases and the country's
health
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education
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 decreases.
Additionally
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, Indonesian food is considered very oily, which is why its
health
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education
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 and preventative measures are low in percentage.
To sum up
Linking Words
, prevention is better for the short term , and a
cure
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 is better for long-term
health
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. I think that it needs to be spent equally, to prevent any new viruses, and prevent viruses from infecting people. I think I am between agree and disagree.

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task response
Be clear on your view from the start. State if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Give one or two strong reasons and explain how they help when you support prevention.
task response
Use one or two simple examples that fit the point you make.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear idea and connect it to the last one with simple linking words.
language
Keep sentences short and use easy words. Check for grammar and spelling again.
structure
The essay shows a plan with First/Second and a short ending.
content
It talks about both sides of the idea: prevention and cure.
closing
There is a short end that sums up the view.
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