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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

one of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. do you thing the advantages of this development woutweight the disadvantage

In today's world, advanced technology has improved
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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 sector with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 technology and robotics
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
Linking Words
, life expectancy is increasing.
Majority of the
Correct word order
The majority of
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 older people are living
a
Correct article usage
apply
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longer period
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 brings them closer to
kids
Correct pronoun usage
their kids
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 and spend quality time with their families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it has
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
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 impact on the population and the government.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 positives and negatives before drawing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 conclusion.
To begin
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 with, the major advantage of
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
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 healthcare system
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is that the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
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 citizens have better fitness and enjoy with their loved ones.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they teach youngsters the importance of old culture, traditions and rituals that not only
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to spirituality but
also
Linking Words
fosters
Correct subject-verb agreement
foster
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 personality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they live to
fullest
Correct article usage
the fullest
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 and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams and explore different parts of
world
Correct article usage
the world
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. Another undeniable merit is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it reduces nuclear families.
However
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, there is
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 in infections or diseases that results in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good well-being.
For example
Linking Words
, Indian grandmothers
diaganosed
Correct your spelling
diagnosed
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cronic
Correct your spelling
chronic
 diseases like heart failure and high
blood-pressure
Use the right word
blood pressure
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 are now decreasing because of artificial intelligence and
sugerical
Correct your spelling
surgical
 robots.
On the other hand
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,
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 crucial problem is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the citizens
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing
day-by-day
Use the right word
day by day
show examples
. It
effects
Use the right word
affects
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 the ecosystem
as well as
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people will belong to
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 age
group
Punctuation problem
group,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will impact the nation's welfare. Another drawback
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it will create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure on higher authorities to take care by providing
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
Correct word order
apply
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whereas
Linking Words
,
it
Correct word order
whereas it
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 will lead to
sudden
Correct article usage
a sudden
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 rise in retirement homes.
For instance
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, China has nearly 90% of
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 workforce that
distrupts
Correct your spelling
disrupts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sectors like IT and
Finance
Punctuation problem
Finance,
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 for which
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 outsourcing young talents across
globe
Correct article usage
the globe
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 is the only solution. In conclusion,
as
Use the right word
a
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 good hospital and laboratory
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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opprotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to live in
close-knit
Correct article usage
a close-knit
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 society and influence youngsters with old values.
In contrast
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, there are negative points like increased nursing homes and reduced productivity. I strongly believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 grandparents are
valuable
Correct article usage
a valuable
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 asset to
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and we should take care of them.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Put one idea in each paragraph and stay on it.
structure
Give a short but strong intro and a short conclusion. State your view in the first part and end with the view.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and ideas, e.g. first, also, however, in addition.
grammar
Improve grammar and spell key words. Check your writing for mistakes that hide your meaning.
content
Use one clear example for each point and explain how it supports your view.
content
You show a clear topic about life with more care for old people.
coherence
You give both good side and bad side in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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