IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the quality of life in large cities is becoming worse/ What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could be taken to solve it?

In cities all over the world, the liveability is getting worse each year. In my opinion, several factors, including the lack of safety and the loss of parks and natural habitats, accelerate and exacerbate
this
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 ongoing problem. Necessary measures set by the government are needed in order to provide a better
life
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apply
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quality for the people. First of all, the rising rates of thefts, robberies, or even terrorist attacks lead to a loss of security;
therefore
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, the liveability of a city decreases significantly.
For example
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, Christmas markets are a place of joy and peace, but nowadays they are often targeted by criminals or terrorists.
As a consequence
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, many Christmas markets are not organised any longer because the danger and the costs for safety concepts are too high.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the increasing population in towns, new housing needs to be developed.
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Hence
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Hence,
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 real estate developers are building new accommodations at a record pace. To provide housing, green land, including parks and playgrounds, is transformed into flats or houses.
For instance
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, my childhood park was demolished and turned into an apartment building, which led to an extreme decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 life quality for many children.
However
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, to restore the quality of life, strict measures by the governments are needed to solve these ongoing issues.
That is
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 why rigorous entry regulations into a country are necessary,
as well as
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 more video surveillance and phone tracking to lower crime rates.
Moreover
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, cities should not use any more free land to build new real estate
,
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;
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 the focus should be on increasing the height of buildings already built.
To conclude
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, the population lacks
liveability
Use the right word
livability
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due to
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 the increased crime rate and the loss of parks and green spaces. To fight against
this
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 ongoing trend, politicians must take action to provide a safer and greener city.

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task
The answer covers both causes and fixes, but it could give more clear steps and ideas. Add one or two easy actions the gov can take for each big cause.
structure
Link ideas with simple flow. Use clear topic at start of each paragraph and a short end that restates the point.
content
Use examples that show why a fix works. Keep facts small and real.
language
Keep sentences short. Break long ideas into two simple sentences. This helps ease reading.
content
The essay shows a good plan with clear parts (causes, then fixes, then conclusion).
structure
It uses basic signposts and link words to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Overpopulation
  • Infrastructure
  • Pollution
  • Housing shortages
  • Rental and property prices
  • Traffic congestion
  • Public transportation
  • Deforestation
  • Urban sprawl
  • Mental health
  • Economic disparity
  • Waste management
  • Environmental impact
  • Public health
  • Recreational areas
  • Wealth gap
  • Cost of living
  • Lifestyle
  • Stress
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