IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

There is no denying the fact that
films
Use synonyms
 and videos on global platforms play a crucial
role
Use synonyms
 in forming society's behaviour, especially in new generations.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 trend and
covers
Correct subject-verb agreement
cover
show examples
 its side effects on the population.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the international applications, like Netflix and
YouTube
Punctuation problem
YouTube,
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 play an indispensable
role
Use synonyms
 in our world.
Therefore
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, the strange ideas can easily invade our homes, like scenes of violence.
Firstly
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, I strongly agree with
view
Correct article usage
the view
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 that movies have devastated our values and ethics.
In other words
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, the public
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity
due to
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dangerous
Correct article usage
the dangerous
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 stories
are watching
Wrong verb form
being watched
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 on television.
In addition
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, many people
sparking
Wrong verb form
sparked
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 a debate over
this
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 trend, they said that TV only not alone accountable for
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 issues,
however
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
households
also
Linking Words
 play an irreplaceable
role
Use synonyms
 in restraining these problems.
Moreover
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, the governments and education authorities have shoulder vital responsibilities among
this
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 complex, and they should impose strict policies among actors who spread bad images, which cause
disintegration
Correct article usage
the disintegration
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 of the public.
For example
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, some research conducted on many offenders in various countries
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
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 that criminals were
influencing
Wrong verb form
influenced
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 by
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
films
Use synonyms
. In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a high growth in crime rates
due to
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revolution
Correct article usage
the revolution
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 of
films
Use synonyms
 made
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 It
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 possible to say that modern videos are closely linked to daily life.
Subsequently
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, the politicians should implement hard punishment
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
 violators, and increase the supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 content formers. The parents should
engage
Verb problem
take
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 responsibility with nations to protect their offspring
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many ways,
such
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 as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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 their young about the drawbacks of these
films
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are many methods to maintain
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 safety, but the observation
role
Use synonyms
 is the most
one
Correct word choice
important one
show examples
 and all community members should share the liability.

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structure
Plan your essay. Say your view at once, then give 2 or 3 main ideas and end with a short finish.
grammar
Use simple, clear grammar. Check how you use words with nouns and verbs.
content
Give clear examples that fit your idea and explain how they show your point.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, but, so, then.
lexical
Use common, everyday words. Do not use hard words you are not sure about.
content
You state the topic and your view in the start.
content
You offer ideas to fix the issue, not only the problem.
structure
You use paragraphs to set ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • crucial stage
  • moral and ethical understandings
  • external factors
  • profound impact
  • reflection
  • mitigate
  • stricter regulations
  • depiction
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • collaboration
  • conscious
  • impact
  • promoting
  • culture of peace
  • non-violence
  • public awareness campaigns
  • community programs
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