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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period

The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period
The bar graph illustrates the statistical data of
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
landline
Use synonyms
 phones per thousand population in
different nine
Correct word order
nine different
show examples
 countries, including Cambodia,Indonesia,Lao PDR,
Myanamar
Correct your spelling
Myanmar
,Philippines,Singapore,
Thiland
Correct your spelling
Thailand
,
Vitenam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
, and Brunei
Danrussalam
Correct your spelling
Darussalam
 in 2000,2002, and 20004. The diagram
decipts
Correct your spelling
depicts
 that in Singapore, in 2000 and 2002, approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of  people per 1000 were the
owners
Use synonyms
 of mobile
Use synonyms
landline
Fix the agreement mistake
landlines
show examples
. That value was a little above 420.
In contrast
Linking Words
, that value decreased to
near
Replace the word
nearly
show examples
 425 persons in 2004.
While
Linking Words
 in Lao PDR and
Correct your spelling
Myanmar
Myanamar
Add a comma
Myanamar,
show examples
 only few
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals were 
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 of telephone
Use synonyms
landline
Fix the agreement mistake
landlines
show examples
 over the period of five years. As the information is gathered from
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 graph in Brunei
Darussalam
Punctuation problem
Darussalam,
show examples
 nearly 250 persons per 1000 were
owners
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 2002. But
this
Linking Words
 value
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 200 and 250
owners
Use synonyms
 in 2004. In
cambodia
Fix capitalization
Cambodia
show examples
,
Vitenam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
 and Indonesia, there were
fluctuation
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuations
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
owners
Use synonyms
 during 2000,2002, and
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 respectively. In
Thiland
Correct your spelling
Thailand
 and Indonesia, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 no
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 of
landline
Use synonyms
 phones in 2004. In
gereral
Correct your spelling
general
,
diagram
Correct article usage
the diagram
show examples
 shows  that there is a fluctuation in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
owners
Use synonyms
 in all
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 years in different countries.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, landline, owners with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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