IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that competition at work, at school, in daily life is a good thing. others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Many today are of the belief that a competitive environment at work, school, and in daily life might be beneficial,
while
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 others think teamwork is more productive and fruitful.
This
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 essay believes that group activities might have more advantages, and it will elaborate on it.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 often tend to compare themselves with their colleagues, classmates, and even their siblings.
Therefore
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,
this
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 comparison injects energy
to
Change preposition
into
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 them to strive.
For example
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, many students consider their school friends as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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rival
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rivals
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, and
this
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 perspective encourages them to get better marks .
Additionally
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,
due to
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this
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 attitude, individuals usually want to develop their skills and knowledge in order to be outstanding among their families or other acquaintances. In brief,
these perspective
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this perspective
these perspectives
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 might contribute humans to
keep
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keeping
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 themselves updated.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 issue
,
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apply
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 exerts
a
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apply
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substantial pressure on
people
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 and fosters a hectic environment, because
people
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 become
self-centered
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self-centred
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 and think only about their personal achievements.
However
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, many
people
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 benefit from working as a team and report their satisfaction. Teamwork is always less daunting and less overwhelming because tasks are
splitted
Correct your spelling
split
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 and each group mate knows what to do.
In addition
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, during group
activities
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activities,
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people
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 can shape
long lasting
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long-lasting
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 friendships, which add more
values
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value
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 to their
goal
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goals
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. The other positive point of
this
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 approach is learning, each person can acquire new skills from others.
For instance
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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successful companies managers ask employees to form their own groups to work on different projects. During these projects, they communicate with each other and share their experiences. In short, teamwork is fruitful for both
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 and
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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due to
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 the learning process and friendly atmosphere among team members. In conclusion, despite the minor merits of competitiveness in the workplace or school, unfortunately, it increases the possibility of conflict and makes
people
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 selfish in the long term.As a
resualt
Correct your spelling
result
, team collaboration is more practical, because it helps
people
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 to impart their knowledge to each other and
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on their mutual goal.
This
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 essay believes
corporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 between individuals is much more imperative than competing with each other.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support the points made about competitiveness and cooperation. This could improve the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph, thereby enhancing clarity and structure.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement expressing the writer's opinion.
logical structure
There is a balanced discussion of both views, with each viewpoint explored in separate paragraphs, contributing to a clear structure.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the key points effectively and reinforces the writer’s opinion, providing a strong ending to the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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