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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that many things children learn at school have actually wasted their time. Other people argue that everything taught at school is useful in the future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Education
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 serves as a stepping stone towards everyone’s future. Some people believe that
school
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 is
a
Correct article usage
an
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 ineffective
institute
Replace the word
institution
show examples
 and should not be recognised as a prestigious venue. Others argue that
school
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 provides students with a high standard
learning
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of learning
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will carefully
analyze
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analyse
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 both positions prior to presenting a well-reasoned personal opinion. There are a number of people who hold the view that children’s class learning is unproductive and often does not align with the purpose of tertiary
education
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. Primarily, it is because
that
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apply
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the
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apply
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early childhood
education
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 did not reach children’s full potential. Nursery
school
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 and preparation
school
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 students’ studies are in a golden age
that is
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 greatly conducive to intellectual and cognitive development. What’s more, online learning platform like Lingo Ace, a Chinese language study platform, brings opportunities for children to homeschool and adjust their study pace
according to
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 individual needs.
For instance
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, telepresence robots
enables
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enable
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 children with mobility impairment to join lessons remotely, move the robot around the classroom, interact with teachers, and engage in group discussions almost as if they were there.
On the other hand
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,
school
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 is a multifunctional platform to build a future for students.
Firstly
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, teachers encourage primary
school
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 students to develop logical thinking, rational attitude and analytical skills, which are of great significance when they step into adult life.
Secondly
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, the classroom helps
student
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students
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 to develop communication and social skills. It
also
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 allows them to express and share ideas, contributing to
overall
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 social and emotional ability.
Last
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 but not least, discipline at
school
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 can modify students’ behaviour and instil good manners in a nurturing environment, which
prepare
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prepares
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 them for active participation in society. In my opinion,
while
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 certain aspects of
school
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education
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 may seem disconnected from its reputation and function , the broader benefits of schooling,
such
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 as interpersonal skills and ethical understanding, are invaluable in shaping well-rounded individuals. A balanced curriculum that adapts to societal needs
while
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 preserving core educational values is the key to meaningful learning.

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improvement
Your answer shows the topic and you give both sides as well as your own view. To raise the score, add stronger reasons for each view and give clear, simple proof or example.
structure
Use a clear plan in each paragraph. Have one clear idea per paragraph and use short links like and, but, also, for example, to show how ideas fit.
language
Check grammar and word form. Fix small errors like 'platforms' for plural, and make verb form match the subject.
content
You discuss both sides and give your own view at the end.
structure
You use linking words to show order and contrast.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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