IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

In recent decades, the number of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 in Western countries has been steadily increasing, and
this
Linking Words
 has become a major public concern. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend and describe its possible effects. One important reason for
this
Linking Words
 tendency is the growing popularity of fast food. Many families prefer quick and cheap meals, which
contained
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
 high levels of sugar, fat and calories. Processed snacks,
such
Linking Words
 as chips, chocolate bars and sugary drinks, are
also
Linking Words
 widely available and attractive to
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 consume more unhealthy food than ever before, often replacing nutritious home-cooked meals. Another major cause is the lack of physical activity. Modern
children
Use synonyms
 spend long hours playing online games or using smartphones
instead
Linking Words
 of going outside. Schools
also
Linking Words
 provide fewer sports activities compared to the past, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 daily exercise. The increase in childhood obesity causes several serious problems. Overweight
children
Use synonyms
 are more likely to develop health issues
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, heart problems and high blood pressure. These factors can reduce energy levels and limit daily activities.
In addition
Linking Words
, childhood obesity can harm
children
Use synonyms
’s mental health. Many
children
Use synonyms
 may feel embarrassed about their weight or face bullying at school, which can lower self-confidence and increase stress, affecting their social life and academic performance. In conclusion, the number of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 is rising
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy eating habits and a lack of physical activity.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads to serious physical and mental problems, so families, schools and governments should promote healthier lifestyles for
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Add a section on what can be done to reduce obesity, like more time for exercise in schools, better meal choices at home and in schools, and rules on snacks.
content
Give a plan or steps for actions and show how they help. Include a few details or examples.
structure
Make topic sentences clear and make each paragraph hold one main idea with some proof or example.
language
Use short, clear sentences and simple words. Check long or hard phrases that may be hard to read.
content
Clear focus on causes and effects.
structure
Good use of linking words to show order of ideas.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • processed foods
  • nutritional value
  • physical education
  • healthy eating habits
  • screen time
  • advertising influence
  • socioeconomic status
  • dietary choices
  • healthy lifestyle
  • early intervention
  • community programs
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: