IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“Many people think that studying abroad is better than studying in their own country. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages?”

There is no denying the fact that learning abroad is worth considering
,
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 and plays a vital role in enhancing scholars' traits.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it has many drawbacks,
and
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it fails to take effect in some nations. There is
also
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 an argument that it can bring greater success in different fields.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 trend. On one hand, the students in developing countries are heavily dependent on the advanced unions in their education.
In other words
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, all of them travel outside their home to pursue their own study, to illustrate
there
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that there
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 are many reasons behind
this
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 idea.
Such
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 as
,
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 the high quality of curricula, environment and life in a modern state.
In addition
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, the learners are looking for a chance to obtain self-esteem, self-improvement and self-confidence.
Therefore
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, many people look to these reasons as benefits.
For example
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, statistics reveal that many pupils in Africa and Asia
,
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 always try to get opportunities in the UK and the USA
due to
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 a lack of educational factors in their own lands.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 issue has many disadvantages, which can make the local governments face many difficulties, especially in a decline
of
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in
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 the population.
Furthermore
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, it can cause degradation in various sectors, like the economic system
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due
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, due
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 to a decrease in the labour force.
Moreover
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, it can form a devastated and disintegrated community.
Subsequently
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, the politicians should mitigate
this
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 tendency by providing students with a decent life and formulating good education regulations. In conclusion, I tend to believe that
this
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 direction can bring many advantages for the students.
However
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, at the same time, it harms the internal systems and the social cultures.

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content
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep a clear stance in the end.
coherence
Use smoother links to join ideas, such as 'however' and 'also' in the right place.
evidence
Give more precise examples and facts to back up points; avoid vague claims.
structure
Check grammar and clear phrasing; split long sentences to keep meaning clear.
structure
The essay shows an effort to discuss both sides of the topic.
content
It mentions real places (UK, USA) as example, which shows context.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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