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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays,young people admire media and sports stars,even though they do not set a good example. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years,the number of youngsters who are impressed by
celebrities
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly.
Although
Linking Words
 there can be some benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend,it is detrimental for the upbringing of the teenagers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
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 on their worldview
negatively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. One positive side of idolising eminent
people
Use synonyms
 is that some of them demonstrate dedication and resilience.So as to succeed in their life,they overcome several challenges,never giving up.
For instance
Linking Words
,elite athletes achieve breakthrough results after working hard and constant training for a long time.They can be good role models for the youth.
Moreover
Linking Words
,some actors advocate
issues
Change preposition
for issues
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 that are happening around the globe.
This
Linking Words
 ensures individuals with critical information,raising awareness.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,over-admiration has a number of repercussions.One of them is unrealistic behaviour.It should be confessed that there are some famous
people
Use synonyms
 who act extravagantly,showing aggressive actions.Seeing them
their
Punctuation problem
, their
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 fans try to emulate and implement
unethnic
Correct your spelling
unethical
 activities.
Besides
Linking Words
,most
celebrities
Use synonyms
 upload their luxury lives on social media
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 affects
people
Use synonyms
's mental
healh
Correct your spelling
health
 negatively.Once individuals watch
celebrities
Use synonyms
' fulfilling
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,they become dissatisfied
from
Change preposition
with
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 their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,feeling stressed or even depressed.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to severe consequences
such
Linking Words
 as suicide.
To conclude
Linking Words
,in spite of that a few popular
people
Use synonyms
 cultivate determination and alertness,
immitating
Correct your spelling
imitating
celebrities
Use synonyms
 who lack moral integrity is disadvantageous for both individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task response
In the intro, show your view clearly. State if you think this trend is good or bad.
coherence
Put ideas in a clear order. Use simple link words to bind parts (first, also, but, finally).
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Words like unethnic, healh, worldwide should be ethical, health, worldwide.
style
Use short, clear sentences. Do not use long lines of text.
content
The essay tries to show two sides of the topic and ends with a view.
content
Examples of athletes and actors are given to show ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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