IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently did a short cookery course. The cookery school has asked for your feedback on this course. Write a letter to the course director at the cookery school. In your letter • describe what you enjoyed about the course •say how much cooking you've done since the course suggest another cookery course you'd like the school to offer

Dear
sir
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Sir
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, I hope you are doing well. I am writing for your
Feeback
Use the right word
feedback
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 on
this
Linking Words
course
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 about
cookery
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Cookery
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 School. Thank you so much, that you help me in a short cookery
course
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. Now I can
cook
Use synonyms
 many
verry
Correct your spelling
very
 good
Foods
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, I am happy, because I
cook
Use synonyms
 very good
Foods
Use synonyms
 for my Family and my best Friends. When I make the
course
Use synonyms
, it takes me about 5
Month
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months
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, I am not only happy but
also
Linking Words
 satisfied.
Teacher
Correct article usage
The teacher
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 in School is friendly and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 me so much in the
course
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. Because your School is full
Devices
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of Devices
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that I can using in order to
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
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 so
much
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many
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 very good
Foods
Use synonyms
. Now I can
cook
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 so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 very good
Foods
Use synonyms
 example: Soup, Beef noodle soup,…
Use the right word
Besides
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beside
Punctuation problem
beside,
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 I can sell so
much
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many
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 very good
Foods
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. It helps me many Money on a daily
basic
Use the right word
basis
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. I often
cook
Use synonyms
 very good
Use synonyms
Foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 for my Family and my Friends. I think, very good
Use synonyms
Foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 plays a pivotal role in
Meal
Correct article usage
a Meal
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about
Change preposition
with
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 Family. It can have a positive effect on
strength
Correct article usage
the strength
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Family
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of Family
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 and Friends bonds.
Use the right word
Besides
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Beside
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Beside,
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 I want learning a short make Cakes
,
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.
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 I think
,
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apply
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 that you would
offen
Correct your spelling
offer
 a short make Cakes. I think
,
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apply
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 it helps me
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that I can make
diversity
Check wording
apply
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very good Cakes in the Future. Yours sincerely Ms Van Anh

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structure
Put one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short note about the task. Then say what you enjoyed, then what you did after the course, and then your idea for another course. End with a kind closing.
cohesion
Use clear links to move from one idea to the next. Words like and, then, also can help. Keep each idea on its own line.
greeting
Fix the form. Use Dear Sir or Madam, then a short opening line. End with Yours sincerely or Best regards.
content
Be more clear about your acts and not too long. Keep to the point. Use simple words.
tone
Polite tone and kind closing.
content
All tasks in the brief are touched on.
content
Your effort to add a future course idea.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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