Many people argue that schools should focus more on teaching practical skills rather than theoretical knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
schools
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should give far more attention to educating students’ practical
skills
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compared to theoretical knowledge.
This
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essay completely agrees with the idea that practical
skills
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should be prioritised over theoretical knowledge. The reason for the agreement with the mentioned idea will be presented in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, gaining
skills
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through practice can enable individuals to have sufficient competence at work
,
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apply
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and get a job easily.
That is
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to say, it helps them conduct their work with high confidence.
For instance
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, nowadays most employers would rather hire qualified and skilled people, not just ones who have learned theoretically.
As a consequence
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, shifting the focus of education in
schools
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from theoretical knowledge to practical
skills
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can be more effective in finding an occupation in the future.
Secondly
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, not only can paying more attention to practical
skills
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lead to learning lessons more successfully, but it
also
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help
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helps
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retain information much better in their brains, and remember it more permanently.
For example
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, when medical students decide to take practical courses outside their curriculum,
such
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as doing a hospital internship, it allows them to retain information more firmly in their minds.
To conclude
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,
this
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essay acknowledges that
schools
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focus more on educating students practically
instead
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of theoretically. If students master greater practical
skills
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, they will have higher self-confidence.
In addition
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, by completing training courses practically, they can recall details more easily. It is recommended that even elementary
schools
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provide hands-on courses in their plans. The more practical
skills
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you acquire, the more qualified a person you will be.

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grammar
Improve grammar by fixing subject-verb issues and awkward phrases, for example 'not only can paying more attention ... but it also help' should be '... but it also helps', and 'the more qualified a person you will be' should be 'the more qualified a person will be'.
coherence
Use more natural and varied link words to connect ideas. Right now the essay uses 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'To conclude' in a simple way; you can also use 'in addition', 'for instance', 'as a result' to link ideas more smoothly.
content
Add more clear and specific examples and explanations to each point to deepen task response. For instance, provide more data on job outcomes from skill-based training and include more examples besides medicine, like trades or IT.
structure
Strengthen the conclusion by restating stance and summarizing main ideas in a simple way, and avoid new information in the final paragraph.
content
The writer shows a clear view that practical skills matter more.
content
Examples such as hospital internships help support points.
structure
There is a simple and logical order with an introduction and a conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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