IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries mobile phones are used to pay for things. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that people now
relay
Use the right word
rely
show examples
 on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for payments.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
this
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 issue has both advantages and disadvantages, in my opinion, I firmly believe that the benefits are more significant, because it reflects an essential truth about keeping up with the technological transformation. In the following paragraphs, I will examine the key points and provide relevant examples to support the analysis.
To begin
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 with, paying by
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
 is
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
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 effective method, because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals carry
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around their phones
Correct word order
their phones around
show examples
, so it is
more easy
Correct word choice
easier
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 and convenient,
also
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 it is not easy to hack or manipulate the payment method
due to
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it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 high security
, identification
Punctuation problem
. Identification
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 is required before any payment,
such
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 as face
recogntion
Correct your spelling
recognition
 or by password.
In addition
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, it is extremely dangerous to carry cash around, so it is
more safety
Correct word choice
safer
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 to have a virtual card.
On the other hand
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, some people find it hard to manage their money, especially if it is not cash.
In other words
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, if you have no sensation of your
money
Punctuation problem
money,
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 you can not have control over it.
Moreover
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, it is always better to carry
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 with you,
for example
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, a small amount of money is always great
incase
Use the right word
in case
show examples
 of emergencies. In conclusion,
although
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 some people may have different views, I believe virtual cards are more effective
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and can make a difference in safety.
For
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this
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 reason, it should be taken into consideration for the benefit of both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals and society.

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structure
Make your plan first. Start with a short intro that says your view. End with a short conclusion that restates it.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will prove.
development
Add more clear detail to each point. Give one or two simple examples that show how mobile pay can be safe or not.
task response
The essay shows a clear view, and it has an intro and a conclusion.
coherence
Some ideas are easy to understand, like the idea that cash can be risky and phones may be safer.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Streamlining
  • Encryption
  • Biometrics
  • Digital economy
  • Digital divide
  • Economic inequalities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Surveillance
  • Misuse of information
  • Over-reliance
  • Cybersecurity breaches
  • Network outages
What to do next:
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