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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that students should wear school uniforms, while others think they should not. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
students
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 should wear
school
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uniforms
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,
while
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 others believe the opposite.
This
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 issue has created a lot of discussion in many countries, especially among
parents
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 and
school
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 administrators. In my opinion,
school
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uniforms
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 have both positive and negative sides.
This
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 essay will discuss these points in detail and provide my personal view.
Firstly
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,
school
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uniforms
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 can be expensive for many families.
This
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 is because
parents
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 must buy special clothes
in addition
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 to regular outfits. In some private schools,
uniforms
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 cost more than the everyday clothing
students
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 already own, making it difficult for low-income families to keep up.
Furthermore
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, children grow quickly, so
uniforms
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 must often be replaced every year.
As a result
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,
uniforms
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 may create a financial burden and increase stress for
parents
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 who are struggling with their budget.
Secondly
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,
school
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uniforms
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 can help reduce distractions in the classroom.
This
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 happens because all
students
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 look similar, so they focus more on studying rather than comparing their clothes. In many schools with strict uniform rules, teachers report fewer conflicts related to appearance or fashion.
Moreover
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,
uniforms
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 can create a sense of unity and make
students
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 feel that they belong to the same community.
Therefore
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,
uniforms
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 may contribute to a more disciplined and academic learning environment. In conclusion,
school
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uniforms
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 have both advantages and disadvantages.
While
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 they can reduce distractions and promote equality, they can
also
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 be costly for some families.
Overall
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, I believe schools should offer
uniforms
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 but keep them optional, so
students
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 and
parents
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 can choose what works best for them.

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improvement
Add more clear examples to back each point.
improvement
Use more clear links like 'first', 'then', 'also', and 'however' to join ideas.
improvement
Make your view very clear in the end, with a strong closing line.
tip
Check long sentences and use short, simple words for easy reading.
structure
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and a finish.
stance
The writer shows an opinion and keeps it through the text.
cohesion
Good use of basic words to guide the reader (first, next, therefore).
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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