IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both this views and give your own opinion.

Many official authorities around the globe assume
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 most important value for their society
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 some people believe that other developments in other
fields
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 pivotal. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and clarify why economic growth is not enough alone for promoting a country. It is believed that
money
Use synonyms
 should be our
desitny
Correct your spelling
destiny
 in
this
Linking Words
 world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 attitude is correct
in
Change preposition
to
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 some extent.
Firstly
Linking Words
, each development in a community depends on
money
Use synonyms
. It ranges from education to health. Without
money
Use synonyms
accessing
Punctuation problem
, accessing
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the basic infrastructures is impossible. Can you imagine a country
that
Correct word choice
where
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without
Punctuation problem
, without
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 enough
facilities
Punctuation problem
facilities,
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 sufficient healthcare is provided in hospitals
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Since there is
not
Rephrase
no
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money
Use synonyms
,
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 qualified doctors and nurses are not in a hospital.
In addition
Linking Words
, without economic growth,
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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dose
Use the right word
does
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 not have enough motivation to do their tasks in their
work place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 because they know they can not acquire enough
money
Use synonyms
. So, without economic progress
achieving
Punctuation problem
, achieving
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 other aims of societies
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not accessible.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, insisting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 without considering other parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society can lead to failure. Education is one of the most important
fields
Use synonyms
 that should be invested in the society, and promoting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field is
also
Linking Words
 vital.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the developed nations
reach
Wrong verb form
have reached
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 point that without promoting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education, other goals would be unachievable.
Moreover
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, art is another sector that should catch
authorities'
Correct article usage
the authorities'
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 attention in promotion. Art is a field that
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
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 the moral values, history, and culture of a nation alive. And
while
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 progress in
this
Linking Words
 field is sometimes
be
Verb problem
apply
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neglected by governments, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 countries have become aware of its importance in their development.
Therefore
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, it seems that other
fields
Use synonyms
 have
importance as much
Correct word order
as much importance
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 as
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
. In conclusion, based on the arguments that are mentioned above, I think that progress in a country should not be limited just to economic
, and
Check wording
fields, and
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 other
fields
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have importance equally. Considering just one side of
this
Linking Words
 matter can lead to failure
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 achieving
Correct article usage
the communities'
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communities'
Fix the agreement mistake
community's
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 goals.

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coherence
Link ideas with clear words to show order (first, next, also, finally). This helps the flow.
coherence
Give short, direct facts or examples to back your point so it fits the task.
structure
Keep to one idea per sentence and limit long, hard lines.
content
The writer shows the idea that econ growth alone is not enough.
structure
The essay has a clear view that other areas also matter.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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