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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table provides information about the percentages of
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 attendance at four
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
, specialist
schools
Use synonyms
, and grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend
throuhout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period,
while
Linking Words
 the
community
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 experienced
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend during the period.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 of
voluntary-
Use the right word
voluntary schools
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 showed the highest number of student attendances by 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
, followed by Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 by 24 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000. Meanwhile, Specialist and
Community
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 had the same
value
Use synonyms
 by 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
, the lowest
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 2005,
although
Linking Words
 the proportions dropped to 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
, voluntary
Use synonyms
schools attendances
Fix the agreement mistake
school attendance
show examples
 remained the same at first position. Grammar
shools
Check wording
shools'
show examples
value
Use synonyms
 decreased
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 to 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
schools
Check wording
schools'
show examples
value
Use synonyms
 increased drastically to 32 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
pupils
Check wording
pupils'
show examples
 attendance surged to 58 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the highest secondary school attendance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, specialist
schools
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
value
Check wording
apply
show examples
continued to drop from the initial year,
became
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2009.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, community, cent, value with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • attendance
  • secondary schools
  • types
  • pupils
  • statistics
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • school types
  • comparing
  • percentage change
  • education policy
  • demographics
  • illustrate
  • proportionate change
  • data
  • overview
  • fluctuations
  • analysis
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