IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Discussion question: Should students have part-time jobs while studying at university?

Nowadays, working somewhere
while
Linking Words
 studying at university has been a common topic of debate among people. Many believe that if
students
Use synonyms
work
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 in a part-time job, they will earn extra money
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
However
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, others argue that if
students
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 focus too much on
work
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, they will lose the opportunity to learn effectively. In my opinion,
students
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 should be able to
work
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while
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 they are studying. On the one hand, if
students
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work
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 in some kind of job, they will be able to help their family budget by paying their own expenses. They can
also
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 pay their contract fees from their monthly salary.
For example
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, thousands of
students
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 pay their university fees by themselves through part-time jobs.
On the other hand
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, some people say that
students
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 may get confused in their studies when they
work
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. They believe
students
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 will not be successful in the future if they
work
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 now. Because of
this
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, some countries have made laws to solve
such
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 issues.
For example
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, in Germany,
students
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 are prevented from working
while
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 they are studying.
This
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 country has introduced a law stating that
students
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 must not
work
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 during their studies. In my opinion,
students
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 should
work
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while
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 they are learning,
although
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 they need to study very hard. I think
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 become more responsible and independent

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task response
Make a clear plan at start. State your view in the first sentence and keep it in every paragraph.
task response
Add strong, real examples and say why they matter. Tie each example to a result for students.
task response
Finish with a short, strong ending that restates your view.
task response
You show a clear view on the topic.
coherence
You use good contrasts with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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