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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that planning for the future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While
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 some
people
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 advocated the idea of making
plans
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 for the time ahead, many others believed there is no point in worrying about the
future
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we should only live in the present. Personally, I strongly disagreed with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, it is advantageous for one to set a clear goal. First and foremost,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is keeping
people
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 ambiguous and motivated through their career paths and daily lives.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 seems to be shreds of evidence that
people
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 with good preparation will strive for work to achieve their goals and objectives.
This
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 is shown by many
people
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 falling into disorientation
due to
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 their lack of
future
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 preparation.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 with master
plans
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 for the time to come are more likely to solve the upcoming lifetime traumas properly. The financial crisis is a good case in point.
Last
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 but not least, there is no entrepreneur or enterprise that runs well without a circumspect and elaborate scheme. Good planning helps
people
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 to
minimize
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minimise
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uncertainties and damage.
Nevertheless
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, living for the moment is becoming an
ideology
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ideological
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 lifestyle for many
people
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 these days. They believed that destiny cannot be changed and that making
plans
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 is tantamount to giving ourselves
unnecessarily
Replace the word
unnecessary
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 concerns.
Hence
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, living in the present is the means of keeping themselves comfortable and contented. I found these arguments flawed. First of all, making
future
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plans
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 is far from synonymous with excessive worrying.
On the contrary
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, a good planner may cope better in difficult times and,
as a result
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, avoid additional troubles.
Moreover
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, planning can save us from the worst scenarios that could play out. Insurance is an absolute example. Many
people
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 have a
living-in-present
Use the right word
living-in-the-present
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 lifestyle and do not purchase their insurance.
Consequently
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, it cost them a fortune when grave things
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
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.
To sum up
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, planning for the
future
Use synonyms
 keeps
people
Use synonyms
 striving for their aims, solving the coming sufferings more accurately and minimising uncertainties.
Therefore
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, it is flawed for
people
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 to live without planning or
in other
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words
Punctuation problem
words,
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 to live in present.

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structure
Make your main idea clear in the opening line and keep it in each paragraph.
cohesion
Use easy link words to join ideas, like first, then, also, but, in conclusion.
grammar
Check word choice and fix big mistakes in grammar to help the flow.
stance
You show a clear view and give reasons.
examples
You use some real examples that fit the task.
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