Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that adults in charge of children should get punished,whilst I completely disagree with
this
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statement, it's the
child
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's responsibility
and
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, and
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they should
get
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be
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hold
Wrong verb form
held
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accountable.
This
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essay will discuss why children should
get
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be
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punished for their own actions. First of all, the adults are role models to the young
they
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; they
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help them learn what they should and shouldn't do
, to
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. To
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me
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me,
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the
parents
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got their job done. If the
child
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breaks the
law
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100 per
cent
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cent,
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the young should get punished.
For example
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, a kid decided to steal from a market. He should get punished.
For
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this
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reason,
parents
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should make sure their kids are aware of what could happen if they
broke
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break
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the
law
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.
Secondly
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, most of today's generation think that if they
broke
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break
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the
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law
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law,
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they won't get punished.
This
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is because,
a
Correct article usage
the
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possibility of being spoiled or thinking
their
Use the right word
they're
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gonna get away with it because of their age.
For example
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,
parents
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defend their
child
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even though he's in the wrong, so the
child
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breaks the
law
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knowing his
parents
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are gonna get him out easily.
To conclude
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, children who break the
law
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should
get
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be
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hold
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
accountable, and make sure they learn from their mistakes so they don't get into serious trouble in the future.

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task response
Be clear on your view. The task asks if parents should be punished for their children's crimes. Your essay says you disagree, then you argue that children should be punished. Pick one side and stay with it.
structure
Make a short intro that shows your view. Then have 2 or 3 body parts. Each part has a main idea and one example.
cohesion
Use simple link words to show how ideas go together. Use 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so' to connect ideas.
development
Give one or two clear examples that fit your point. Do not add many ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one idea.
language
Use only common words. Check spelling and make your sentences short and clear.
strength
The writing shows a clear attempt to state a position.
strength
Some attempt to back ideas with examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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