IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information,such as theirhobbies and interests,and whether they are married or single.Some people say that thisinformation may be relevant and useful.Others disagree.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In modern
recruitment
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,
employers
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 increasingly request personal details from candidates, ranging from marital status to hobbies.
While
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 some argue that
this
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information
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 helps companies select suitable employees, I believe that collecting personal
data
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 should be strictly limited to
job
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-related purposes, as excessive inquiry may result in unfair practices and undermine professional evaluation. On the one hand, certain personal
information
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 may assist
employers
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 in assessing a candidate’s capacity to meet
job
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 requirements. Some roles,
such
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 as airline crew or overseas project managers, involve irregular schedules or frequent travel. In these circumstances, asking whether a candidate is able to relocate, work night shifts or adapt to intensive workloads is reasonable, because it enables
employers
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 to evaluate availability and resilience.
Similarly
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, when a position highly relies on interpersonal skills—
such
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 as customer service or sales—learning about an applicant’s voluntary work, teamwork experience
or
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, or
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 recreational interests may help identify personality traits relevant to daily performance.
On the other hand
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, collecting sensitive
information
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that is
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 unrelated to
job
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 performance carries significant risks. Questions concerning marital status, pregnancy plans or religious beliefs can lead to implicit discrimination and arbitrary rejection. A married applicant,
for instance
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, may be perceived as less flexible simply
due to
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 assumptions rather than evidence of competence.
Therefore
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, many jurisdictions regulate
recruitment
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 practices to prevent discrimination. The European Union’s General
Data
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 Protection Regulation requires
employers
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 to demonstrate clear purposes when processing personal
data
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,
while
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 agencies
such
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 as the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission restrict inquiries into topics that could unfairly influence hiring decisions. These frameworks ensure equal access to employment opportunities and protect candidates from inappropriate profiling. In light of these considerations,
employers
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 should adopt a principle of proportionality. They may collect
information
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 that directly affects
job
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 performance, but should refrain from requesting private details that do not serve
recruitment
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 objectives. Competency-based interviews, skill assessments and transparent probation periods offer far more reliable methods of evaluating suitability than personal questions. In conclusion, some personal
information
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 can legitimately support hiring decisions, yet asking about sensitive or irrelevant matters risks discrimination and erodes fairness. A professional
recruitment
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 process should prioritise merit, limit
data
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 collection and safeguard the dignity of
job
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 seekers.

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structure
Keep a clear plan: state your view, then discuss both sides, and end with your own view.
language use
Use short and simple words. This helps show a simple style.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like and, but, also, in addition to show how points fit.
content
The essay shows a clear view and good balance of ideas.
language
Strong link words help flow at a steady pace.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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