IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

in some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems, and what measure could be taken to solve them.

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Introduction
From my side,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think it's widely issue
cross
Use the right word
across
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 the world of
people
Use synonyms
 having high weight.
Rising
Use the right word
Raising
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 the education about
health
Replace the word
healthy living
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life
Use synonyms
 and how it will impact
in
Change preposition
apply
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our future will be best for humanity.
Body paragraph 1
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to eat fast food more than
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 results in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
nuiturtion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
 and
menerals
Correct your spelling
minerals
. Since everyone has a busy
life
Use synonyms
 and there is no time for taking care of our
body
Punctuation problem
body,
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 it will cost
gaing
Correct your spelling
gaining
 unwanted
waight
Correct your spelling
weight
 with
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 immune system.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, educated
people
Use synonyms
 with good health will always try to teach others about the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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life
Use synonyms
 and how it will change
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 be better in many ways.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, physical activity is much more important
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
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 it will
strenghth
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 the
mussle
Correct your spelling
muscle
 that will burn the
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
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.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, in most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will gain weight and will struggle to lose it.
However
Linking Words
, education early enough will
proporly
Correct your spelling
properly
 solve the problem.

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structure
Have a short intro that says what you think. Then write two or three body ideas, each with one point. End with a short conclusion.
coherence
Use joining words to connect ideas, like also, but, then, because.
linguistic
Check spell and form of words. Use simple and clear words.
content
You talk about why weight might rise and how diet and life fit in.
content
You give a fix by teaching health and more time for good food.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • proliferation
  • nutritious
  • interventions
  • taxation
  • curb
  • promote
  • urban planning
  • community-based
  • convenience
  • dietary choices
  • sugary drinks
  • physical activity
  • nutritional education
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