IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

There is an increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from diseases in
this
Linking Words
 modern
globalized
Change the spelling
globalised
show examples
 world.The main
reason
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 professors
mentioned
Punctuation problem
mentioned,
show examples
 is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical
exersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There are many
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that led to
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
.The most significant impact is that today’s innovative world demands that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 constantly remain present in
this
Linking Words
 enhanced technological environment. And since gadgets play the central role in it, everything becomes quite clear.
Firstly
Linking Words
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
rises
Fix the agreement mistake
rise
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 of
plenty
Correct word choice
a large
show examples
 number of gadgets like smartphones, computers and etc.
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the way that
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to spend their free time engaging with these devices rather than doing physical exercises. As the
people
Use synonyms
couldnt
Verb problem
can't live
show examples
 without
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these devices so the advertisements
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 or some apps
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobiles have to influence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the main and foremost
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 sedentary lifestyle is
definitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 work
life
Use synonyms
.As mentioned as
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 point of the innovation of our
liife
Correct your spelling
life
 and the
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 the technology
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all parts of
life
Use synonyms
 many jobs require individuals to sit for long hours. So to resolve
this
Linking Words
 part of
Use synonyms
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
, companies should encourage their employees to
going
Wrong verb form
go to
show examples
 the gym and the best solution
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
encoregment
Correct your spelling
encouragement
 in
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 give them discount cards
or
Punctuation problem
. or
show examples
 there are several projects
consider
Correct pronoun usage
that consider
show examples
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 and give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special offers to companies
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 every company should have contracts with the related gyms. And the related to third
reason
Use synonyms
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of facilities
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in huge cities ,
there
Rephrase
where there
show examples
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 lack of parks or
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 facilities are not available
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
each
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
 street
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 discourages
people
Use synonyms
 from
egaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical exercises. The main role
to resolve
Change preposition
in resolving
show examples
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 plays the government . The government should take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration
of increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of facilities and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more affordable. To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 essay
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 pointed
just
Change preposition
out just
show examples
 some of the reasons
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in my opinion the
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the positive sides of being physically active
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 that there
many
Verb problem
are many
show examples
backups
Check wording
drawbacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
inactive
Correct article usage
an inactive
show examples
 lifestyle.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro that states the topic and your plan. Then write two or three body paragraphs, each with one main idea and a link to the question. End with a short conclusion.
coherence
Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence. Use linking words like 'also', 'however', 'then' to connect ideas.
task
Give more detail for each point. Say how it causes the problem and give a possible fix with simple examples.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use simple sentences. Watch punctuation and verb forms.
lexis
Use correct words. Avoid tricky spellings. Use 'exercises' not 'exersices'. Keep to top 100 word list for easy read.
content
The essay tries to discuss both causes and solutions.
structure
There is a last paragraph that sums up.
ideas
Some related ideas are used, like gadgets and work life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urban environments
  • public spaces
  • streaming services
  • engage in physical activities
  • physical activities
  • dependency on cars
  • maintaining good health
  • awareness
  • motivational
  • urbanization
  • commitments
  • sedentary work life
  • technology
  • busy schedules
What to do next:
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