Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

No matter
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
it is at a workplace or school,
competition
Use synonyms
is impossible to
be avoided
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
when we interact with
people
Use synonyms
. Having the mentality to compete with each other can be beneficial for
overall
Linking Words
performance,
whereas
Linking Words
others think collaboration plays a more important role in success.
Similarly
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
believe that cooperation has more advantages than pure
competition
Use synonyms
. It is argued that competing with peers can bring motivation to work and
further
Linking Words
achieve higher performance.
Besides
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
enhances innovation and creates progress when there are multiple competitors in an industry.
For instance
Linking Words
, IBM invented the first personal computer decades ago, but
later
Verb problem
was later
show examples
caught up by Apple. Thanks to the
competition
Use synonyms
between these two companies, consumers from all over the world are
benefit
Replace the word
benefiting
show examples
from their
cutting-edgy
Use the right word
cutting-edge
show examples
technologies.
However
Linking Words
, pure
competition
Use synonyms
can
also
Linking Words
lead to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact in many aspects. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
might spend too much effort focusing on their competitors
instead
Linking Words
concentrating
Correct word choice
of concentrating
show examples
on themselves and optimising their products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can easily cause jealousy and mental stress among individuals.
In contrast
Linking Words
, collaborating with each other
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
with
rivals
Punctuation problem
rivals,
show examples
can reach success in a surprising way.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
creates
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
show examples
and sparks ideas. When
people
Use synonyms
who come from different backgrounds gather together, they can bring creative thoughts and new ways of thinking.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals who have shortcomings and strengths can supplement each other when they work together
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and reach the goal more efficiently.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, no one is an island
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
we all live in a society
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
we constantly have interactions. Cooperation helps us to learn more about the
people
Use synonyms
surround us and
further
Linking Words
develop
deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
show examples
relationship. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
,
competition
Use synonyms
has many advantages in terms of progress and performance.
However
Linking Words
, I argue that collaboration has
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
significant effect in the long-term.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add more clear and deep ideas for each view, with more facts or examples from life or study.
coherence
Make topic sentences clear and use simple link words to connect ideas.
language
Check spelling and grammar; fix mistakes like 'wheather' and 'conlude'.
structure
Write a stronger conclusion that restates your view.
lexical
Use plain words; avoid long or hard words.
content
The essay discusses both sides and gives a clear opinion.
structure
There are paragraph breaks and some linking words.
example
Example of IBM vs. Apple is used.
coherence
The plan is easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: