IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some prisoners commit crimes after they have been evicted from the prison. What do you think is the cause of it and how can it be solved

The massive burden of making a society a better place to live is on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some opine
criminals
Correct word choice
that criminals
show examples
, after being released from prisons they commit more serious crimes, in my view, underestimating the importance of
such
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 places is not logical,
although
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 they have some minor problems. On the one hand, prison does not necessarily deter the commission of offences in the community. To clarify, it provides the chance for them to put together, even with a professional one. In
this
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 way, they can make friends with each other.
Hence
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, if they are released, they may use the way of friends to commit more serious crimes in the city.
On the other hand
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, these limited spaces go a long way in providing safety for all members of society.
For example
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, in some developed countries,
such
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 as the US, rehabilitation is one of the most important priorities for the government, since they strongly believe, if convicted individuals learn some personal and vocational skills, when they come back to the community, they are less likely to repeat their wrong
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Moreover
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, these skills can fulfil the sense of accomplishment, and they even consider themselves useful for other people.
As a result
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, they become reluctant to continue the rest of their life in a cage by doing nothing. In conclusion,
although
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 focusing solely on putting offenders in solitary cells cannot secure a safe place, I strongly believe authorities are in charge of addressing
such
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 a complex issue by reeducating them in prisons.

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task response
Answer the task in a clear way. Say what causes crimes after release and give exact ways to fix it. Stay on topic and add facts or ideas that fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make the plan clear. Use an intro that states your view, body parts that cover one idea each, and a short end. Use clear words to link ideas, like first, also, and finally.
structure
The essay has a simple plan: intro, body, and end.
coherence
It uses pairing ideas, like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand', which helps show two sides.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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