The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live.

The chart and table present the information about the country of
birth
Use synonyms
and where they are living
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
residents in
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
people
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live in
Australia
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also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
birth
Verb problem
born
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in
Australia
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, and almost all the residents live in the cities rather than in the rural areas. As the chart
present
Replace the word
presents
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, most Australian residents
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birth
Check wording
'
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place
Use the right word
birthplaces
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are
Australia
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
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73
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of the chart.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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are
birth
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in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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fill
Verb problem
make
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up 7
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
New
Zealand
Replace the word
Zealanders make up
show examples
people
Use synonyms
takes 3
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The rest are Chinese born with 3
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, Nederlands nationality with 1
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and
lastly
Linking Words
other countries fill 14
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. They
all are
Correct word order
are all
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spread not only in rural areas, but in the cities
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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mostly they
Correct word order
they mostly
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live
in
Change preposition
apply
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there.
Thats
Use the right word
That's
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why, 83
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
, 89
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
British
Use the right word
Britons
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, 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
show examples
, 99
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of Chinese
people
Use synonyms
and 90
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of Dutch
people
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lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities across
Australia
Use synonyms
and the rest
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
in rural areas.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, people, australia, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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