IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of fresh water. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #right #water #governments #control
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Whether citizens should be allowed to use freshwater freely or governments should put restrictions on the amount of
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
 citizens can have access to has gained traction. In my opinion,
while
 each view has its merits, I agree that
water
usage
 should be regulated. On the one hand, being able to use fresh, clean
water
 is a human's basic necessity.
First,
besides
 food,
water
 is another fundamental contributing to human well-being.
Therefore
, if
people
 were not to get an adequate amount of
water
 to sustain basic activities
such
 as hydrating themselves, cooking, and cleaning, their human rights would have been violated.
Secondly
,
people
 have varying needs for
water
 so restricting the amount of
water
 used to an average number would be disadvantageous to those whose businesses involve heavy
water
usage
,
for example
,
people
 involved in farming activities.
On the other hand
, introducing regulations on freshwater
usage
 can have undeniable positive effects.
Water
 is a scarce resource, so making it freely available can lead to depletion of fresh
water
 and unequal distribution of
water
. As a matter of fact,
water
 sources have been depleting in recent years
due to
 global warming, droughts, and pollution.
Consequently
, if individuals are free to use
water
 at their own discretion, it will lead to faster exhaustion of
this
 rare resource. Another grave effect is that
people
 in some countries who have difficult access to fresh
water
 will have to receive less as
people
 in other countries have used it extravagantly. By and large, I opine that despite
water
 being a common property,
people
 should not be given unlimited
usage
 of that resource, but should rather follow the government’s regulations and distribution.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the specific negative impacts of unrestricted water usage in more detail. For example, discuss the environmental consequences or potential social problems in greater depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical flow between paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing human rights and the environmental impact could be smoother with linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the topic and summarizing the arguments well.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are discussed, providing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the arguments, which strengthens the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-organized and present a coherent argument overall.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Human right
  • Resource scarcity
  • Economic productivity
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Equitable distribution
  • Monopolization
  • Public health
  • Sustainability
  • Government regulation
  • Hygiene
  • Water quality
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