IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is noticeable that suburban residents prefer to migrate to bigger
cities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
population
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 in the rural areas are decreasing
while
Linking Words
 the urban
population
Use synonyms
 is excessively rising .
This
Linking Words
 essay argues that it is a negative trend as it creates pressure for both
Correct article usage
the metropolitans
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metropolitans
Use the right word
metropolises
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 and
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 in several aspects. When
people
Use synonyms
 move out of
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
, the
population
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 loss directly leads to
labour
Correct article usage
a labour
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 shortage.
For instance
Linking Words
, local grocery shops or bakeries might face difficulties
to hire
Change preposition
in hiring
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 sufficient workers, which will impact the business operation and convenience for the local residents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
people
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migrate
Wrong verb form
migrating
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 to bigger
cities
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 are usually
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation, which will gradually result in
Correct article usage
an aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
 in the rural areas.
This
Linking Words
 issue will bring various challenges for the local government,
such
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 as reduced tax income and increased pension
expediture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
. Regarding urban
cities
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, the
rapid
Replace the word
rapidly
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 increasing
population
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 creates higher living expense for each individual, which includes housing, daily transportation and grocery. Even though there are more opportunities to find a job, there is
also
Linking Words
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 amount of stress
due to
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 the high
comepetition
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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big
cities
Use synonyms
 might have
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 resources to access medical care and childcare support.
To conclude
Linking Words
, migration from rural to urban seems like an inevitable trend.
However
Linking Words
, it brings multiple negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 to both
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and
cities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 will experience labour shortage
while
Linking Words
 the local authorities will face the challenges of an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 will witness
price
Correct article usage
a price
show examples
 increase and a more stressful lifestyle for
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph and use simple linking words like and, but, also, then.
Development
Try to add a short example for each point to back it up.
Vocabulary/Accuracy
Check spelling and form words well, for example 'expenditure' and 'competition'.
Grammar
Use proper grammar, like matching subject and verb (population is, populations are).
Strength
Clear position is shown that the trend is not good.
Structure
The essay has a full set of parts: introduction, body, conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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