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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem

It is an undeniable fact that across the people are still suffering from hunger, despite the innovative technologies in the agriculture sector. There are many reasons behind the starvation of the people
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, there are some solutions for the reduction of
this
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 problem. Even though in many countries, there are numerous breakthrough pieces of equipment available in the cultivation of crops, which are beneficial
in
Change preposition
for
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 the productive yield of crops. There are some reasons associated with
this
Linking Words
 problem, which are inadequate investment in the purchasing of high-quality agricultural tools and machines , and the second root issue is
climate
Use synonyms
 disasters. In various areas, employees lack the knowledge of new technologies
usage
Check wording
apply
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and might not have enough resources to meet the standard requirements.
As a result
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, it leads to low productivity and a shortage of food, which might be a reason for famine. Africa
approximately
Rephrase
apply
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faces a shortage of food every year
due to
Linking Words
 less funding in
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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 area.
Furthermore
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, sometimes
climate
Use synonyms
 catastrophe
also
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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the horticulture. Recently, Pakistan has faced
the
Correct article usage
a
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 historic flood , and most of the rice crops were damaged because of the flood in many areas of Punjab. The solution to
this
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 problem is not simple , but it can be highly effective for the reduction of malnutrition.
Firstly
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, the government plays a crucial role in resolving
issues
Use synonyms
 by giving subsidies on fertilisers and conducting training programmes for horticulture employees to learn new skills for the production of good yields.
Moreover
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, the public
also
Linking Words
 provides support in the reduction of starvation through collective action against
climate
Use synonyms
 disasters.
For instance
Linking Words
, international meetings
such
Linking Words
 as COP20, which are conducted for resolving
issues
Use synonyms
 that concern with
climate
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 in different areas , including agriculture. In conclusion, the reasons for the world facing hunger
issues
Use synonyms
 are the lack of investment, no proper understanding of equipment by workers and
climate
Use synonyms
 disasters like floods , but the multifaceted approach, including subsidies and training sessions arranged by the government and advanced meetings to tackle
climate
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
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 helps to resolve them.

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tip
Make a clear plan at the start. Say your main point and what you will talk about.
linking
Use clear first sentences in each paragraph. Each idea links to the one before.
content
Give real examples and facts to back ideas, in plain words you know.
style
Use easy words. Make short, clear sentences so ideas are easy to follow.
editing
Check spell and grammar, such as verb form and word use.
content
The writing shows care for a big, hard issue and uses real cases.
structure
There is a final part that ends with why the issue is hard and how to fix it.
content
The plan to help comes from both the government and people.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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