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Writing Samples
Band 4

SOME PEOPLE SAID THAT WHAT CHILDREN WATCH ON TESLEVISION INFLUENCED THEIR BEHAVIOR, OTHER ARGUE THAT THE AMOUNT OF TIME INFLUENCED THEIR BEHAIVIOR. DICUSS BOTH VIEW AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, technology is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 in our life. Day by day,
there's
Verb problem
there
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 a numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
watching television regularly, especially
children
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a debatable question has
beeen
Correct your spelling
been
 raised
interms
Correct your spelling
in terms
 of the levels of
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 influenced by watching
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television or the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 they
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 it.
Although
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 both views hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective. First of all, many individuals believe that kids watch
TV
Use synonyms
 constantly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it affects their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents who think that technology devices
not do
Correct word order
do not
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 harm
to
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apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
, they let their
children
Use synonyms
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 more.
For instance
Linking Words
, a variety of Southeast Asian moms and dads are always working and don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
time
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 to play and
deep
Verb problem
have deep
show examples
talk
Check wording
conversations
show examples
 with the young
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of their family.
In addition
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, it
also
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 makes them feel more alone and want to have something to do. So the
children
Use synonyms
 keep themself going to watch it. But in my opinion, if only kids watch negative programmes, it will
be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 to
behaviors
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
. It depends on what they watch.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that youngster who watch
TV
Use synonyms
 too much will influence their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, why
Punctuation problem
. Why
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others
Verb problem
do others
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 think like that? If preschoolers watch
possitive progammes
Correct your spelling
positive programmes
 for a long
time
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 and can'
t
Use synonyms
 peel their eyes off the screen, they will have some
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
 issues like vision impairment, short- sighted.
However
Linking Words
, there's nothing
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more serious
if
Change preposition
than if
show examples
 youngster don'
t
Use synonyms
 look for negative videos on
TV
Use synonyms
 and start to
changes
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 their action after watching them. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point, a study indicated that a majority of
children
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incredibly use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
Correct article usage
a lots
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lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
to watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
. More and more detrimental videos on
Youtube
Use the right word
YouTube
show examples
 or
Tiktok
Use the right word
TikTok
show examples
 platforms affect
Use synonyms
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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then
Linking Words
 imitate it and don'
t
Use synonyms
 know how it
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 harm to themself. In summary,
while
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 both sides present valid arguments, my final conviction is that
children
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's
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
influenced
Verb problem
is influenced
show examples
 by the period of
time
Use synonyms
 what
children
Use synonyms
 watch on
TV
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Make a simple plan with an intro, two body parts on each view, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are related and to compare views.
examples
Give clear, simple examples that are easy to read and relate to the point you make.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Use short, clear sentences and common words to keep meaning clear.
content
The essay shows an effort to talk about both sides.
stance
The writer gives their own view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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