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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows the number of people taking part in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant (HA)

The line chart illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are attending
in
Change preposition
apply
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four different
sports
Use synonyms
 (badminton, basketball, tennis, and
rugby
Use synonyms
) in one country from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 tennis
sport
Use synonyms
 experienced a continuous upward trend,
while
Linking Words
rugby
Use synonyms
 decreased throughout the period. Notably, both badminton and basketball
sports
Use synonyms
 remained relatively stable. To start with, in 1985,
rugby
Use synonyms
sport
Use synonyms
 accounted for approximately 250
people
Use synonyms
, the largest figure among all four
sports
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it dropped sharply in the following years, reaching about 50
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2005.
In contrast
Linking Words
, around 150 players
taking
Verb problem
were taking
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 part in the tennis
sport
Use synonyms
 in 1985.
This
Linking Words
 number increased consistently, peaking at over 200 participants by 2005. An interesting point, both
sports
Use synonyms
 recorded almost 200
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 by 1995.
According to
Linking Words
 basketball, players remained almost constant
fluctuating
Punctuation problem
, fluctuating
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 only slightly between roughly 55
people
Use synonyms
 and nearly 100
people
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period. Overtaking
rugby
Use synonyms
sport
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, badminton showed a small
fluctuations
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuation
show examples
 in the first years and
ending
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 with 5o participants in 2005.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sports, rugby, sport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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