IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that preserving your own resources is crucial for prosperity.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that depending heavily on a certain income
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can lead to
hramful
Correct your spelling
harmful
 consequences. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes
this
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 view. In my opinion, I consider that maintaining alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
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looking for various sources for
sustainibility
Correct your spelling
sustainability
 is essential.
To begin
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 with, the concept of being a rich country does not
contradct
Correct your spelling
contradict
 the concept of growth and thriving in all different sectors.
In other words
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, being a wealthy nation is a huge responsibility , which requires an endless effort to search for more efficient and practical alternatives to ensure economic growth.
In addition
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, a diversified economy will be able to handle and tackle upcoming
challnges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 with integrity and self-confidence.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, the government published an inspirational Vision 2030
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Subsequently
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,
authoritues
Correct your spelling
authorities
 started to implement
this
Linking Words
 long-term plan urgently to make sure that a diverse income by
providng sustainble
Correct your spelling
providing sustainable
 solutions to reduce
relying
Replace the word
reliance
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 on fossil
fules
Correct your spelling
fuel
 resources. Another point to consider, whenever a nation is fully depending on one major source of income, the people will start procrastinating to think effectively about other priceless resources. It
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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 possible to say that whenever locals feel safe , they will fully ignore
about
Change preposition
apply
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the
difficultes
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 they might
occur
Verb problem
encounter
show examples
. As
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings , we need to appreciate the tireless work needed to ensure more sustainable outcomes for future generations.
Moreover
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, sudden circumstances can play a significant role
to damage
Change preposition
in damaging
show examples
 the current economy
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as wars and poverty.
For instance
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, in 2008, the USA faced the most catastrophic situation
,
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apply
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when the financial crisis took place. In conclusion, despite people having different views,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 firmly
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that a diverse economy is the right approach for prosperity.

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task-response
Your view is clear but needs more firm stance and balance. State your main point at once and keep to it.
task-response
Develop each idea with one simple reason and explain why it matters.
language
Use correct grammar to make meaning clear.
coherence
Use plain linking words to show flow, such as first, then, also, for example, but.
coherence
Keep sentences short and check punctuation to help reading.
lexical
Check common word spellings and word forms (resource, sustainable, challenges).
content
The writer shows a clear view that a diverse economy helps long term growth.
content
Some examples are used to back the points (Vision 2030, 2008 crisis).
organization
There is a basic structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • happiness
  • basic needs
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • satisfaction
  • hedonic adaptation
  • social connections
  • community involvement
  • personal fulfillment
  • opportunities
  • leisure activities
  • psychological phenomenon
  • diminishing returns
  • affluence
What to do next:
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