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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. Q: What is your opinion?

Nowadays, with the advances of science and technology,
space
Use synonyms
 exploration is not a dream anymore. Many people agree that a substantial amount of money should be spent on
space
Use synonyms
 investigations
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, others argue that
this
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 amount of funding is better dedicated to more important and urgent fields
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as global warming.
Space
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 studies are the primary steps towards the future and living on other planets. There is a group of people stating that governments should allocate significant funding to aviation agencies and companies
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as
NASA
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NASA,
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 to help them carry out their research. Supporting
such
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 experimentations and studies can lead to a scientific breakthrough and make humans able to live on other planets as well , which would definitely be worth all the costs.
For example
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, after years of research, scientists have recently discovered some signs of water on Mars.
On the other hand
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, some people state that we should prioritise other subjects which can put human life at risk ,
such
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 as global warming
,
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apply
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 or eradicating poverty. If the government emphasises handling global warming and tries to preserve the Earth from destruction, the necessity for
space
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 exploration will drop.
Moreover
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, a portion of
this
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 substantial amount of money can
also
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 be spent on the fundamental medical topics and pushing the frontier of knowledge in that field.
For example
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, finding a treatment to cure different types of cancers is much more beneficial to humans and can save so many lives. In conclusion, I believe that
space
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 exploration has certain advantages for the future
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, there are some millionaires who only want to be famous by buying tickets and being the first
space
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 tourists. I think there are still many more important issues to be addressed ,
such
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 as discovering treatments for deadly diseases or a clean and green way of public transportation , and
space
Use synonyms
 studies are not a high priority compared to those.

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task response
Your essay has a clear plan and a real view. Try to state your own view in the introduction and in the end.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple phrases. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and use words like 'but', 'however' to show contrast.
task response
More strong examples or facts would help. Add a number or a fact to back up points, like costs or numbers.
language
Check grammar and spelling, and try shorter sentences for easy read.
structure
Clear basic layout with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Gives both sides and a final view.
clarity
Uses simple examples that are easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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