IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Child labour is considered to be one of the most serious problems on the planet. What are the reasons why children find themselves in child labour and can be done to tackle this issue ?

Nowadays, child labour cases happen in most places. It is common to see
children
Use synonyms
 working, and there must be some potential reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss its causes
as well as
Linking Words
 give some solutions to tackle
this
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 situation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the main reasons for child labour is poverty in most households. In families whose income is inadequate
besides
Linking Words
 parents, their' offspring
also
Linking Words
 take on the burden of their financial needs from an early age. It forces the kids to work
instead
Linking Words
 of behaving as they are supposed to be - growing up, playing, and studying. Another reason is
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of good-quality education
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to work rather than study because of its instant outcome.
Finally
Linking Words
, the government
also
Linking Words
 takes an important role in
this
Linking Words
 case as a cause of weak legal systems for employment.
For instance
Linking Words
, young people who are still underage are able to apply for a job
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they are often seen in cafes and restaurants as waiters or waitresses. When it comes to solutions, first of all, it is vitally important for the government to take actions seriously for
this
Linking Words
 issue
.
Rephrase
seriously.
show examples
 The education system in most places should improve
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 make it more affordable for poorer citizens. Innovations and technological advancements can be a distraction for students in exploring up-to-date knowledge and lessening financial worries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the law of employment and protection of
children
Use synonyms
 should be strengthened, so employers comply with the rules , and there are no more job applications for underage
.
Check wording
applicants.
show examples
In addition
Linking Words
, low-income families should be prioritised by the government to improve their prosperity and well-being. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 child labour has become a global issue, it still has a high chance
to
Verb problem
of being
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solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in a number of legal ways. We should not
quit of
Verb problem
give up on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's future lives.

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task
Make each paragraph have one main idea and use simple links to move from causes to fixes.
content
Add one or two real life examples to back up the points about causes and fixes.
grammar
Use shorter sentences and check grammar so the writing is easy to read.
content
The essay shows what causes and cures are.
structure
There are clear parts: introduction, body, and conclusion.
language
Useful linking words are present to tie ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • family
  • school
  • education
  • poverty
  • law
  • enforce
  • safe
  • health
  • future
  • help
  • government
  • policy
  • child
  • profit
  • duty
  • awareness
  • program
  • community
  • business
  • demand
  • supply
  • income
  • support
  • join
  • together
  • reduce
  • reach
  • goal
What to do next:
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