IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As we
know
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know,
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 a lot of people have a serious overweight issue
,
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;
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 most likely in the US, it is a very important topic to discuss because it affects the mental and physical health of the country. I believe that increasing the price of fattening foods will not be a good idea because it will only spend more on junk
food
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instead
Linking Words
 of healthy
food
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. A good
solution
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 will be removing that type of
food
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 from all the places where you can buy it
like
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, like
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:
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apply
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cafeteria
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cafeterias
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, supermarkets or any type of place where you can get it. In my personal opinion, in my school 18 months ago they removed all the unhealthy
food
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 like chips, chocolate or candies. I believe that all the people in my place do not really need it, they only want to ´´have a sweet snack´´.
In
Linking Words
addition
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addition,
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 I think it is not the best
solution
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, it is a temporary
solution
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 that will help with the main
problem
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problem,
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the overweight.
Then
Linking Words
 the world will get
use
Replace the word
used
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 to
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 prices
and
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, and
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 it will be a problem again. If they
Linking Words
instead of increasing
Verb problem
do not increase
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 the prices give a training or any tool to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
to
Verb problem
apply
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eat
better
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better,
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 you will reduce the main issue a lot. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I believe that it is better to help them with training or any other way
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 they will be more conscious of the problem
because
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, because
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instead
Linking Words
 of giving them a quick
Use synonyms
solution
Punctuation problem
solution,
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 they will learn how to eat and how dangerous
is
Wrong verb form
being
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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overweight and all that
food
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can produce a lot of sickness or
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more
important
Correct word choice
serious
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 damage
in
Change preposition
to
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your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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task response
Your answer shows a view, but the main idea is not clear at the start. State your position in the first sentence and keep it in mind as you write. Add more proof and ideas to back your point.
coherence
The essay should be in clear blocks. Put one idea in each paragraph and begin with a topic sentence. Use easy link words to show how ideas go together.
coherence
Give more real details. Say how price change might change choice and what could be done to help, not just say it will not work. Use one or two more examples like a class, a shop, or a family.
strength
Clear view against the idea of higher prices
strength
Uses a real life example from school
strength
Simple words make the text easy to read
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
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