Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefits the students themselves, not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that
students
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have to cover all expenses for their
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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as university courses bring about advantages to the
students
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rather than benefiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as a whole. I disagree with
this
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view for the following reasons.
Firstly
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, when student financial aid is provided, more people will have access to tertiary education.
As a result
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, they will have a better chance of securing a job, leading to a lower unemployment rate.
This
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will undoubtedly go some way towards reducing crime, because the root cause of crime is a lack of employment and job opportunities. Statistics show that in most cities, the higher the college enrollment rate is, the lower the crime rates are, which is a testament to the positive impact of tuition fee subsidies on making society safer.
Secondly
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, if the financial burden that undergraduates have to shoulder is eased, they can divert more effort and time to social and community projects that universities are frequently associated with.
Such
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projects have been contributing greatly to helping the underprivileged.
For instance
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, most universities in Vietnam have voluntary clubs to help
improverished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
families in disaster-prone areas to repair and renovate their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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. If grants, bursaries and scholarships were to be dispensed with,
students
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would most likely spend their free time working part-time to cover their college costs, rather than partaking in
such
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activities to give back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To conclude
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, providing public
subsidiariesfor
Correct your spelling
subsidies for
tertiary education studies
does
Verb problem
apply
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not only
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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students
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themselves a service but
also
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the public
thanks
Punctuation problem
, thanks
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to the decline in criminal activities and increase in
students
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' participation in voluntary work.

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task response
Make your main view very clear in the start. The essay should show one main idea and prove it.
coherence
language
Check grammar and spelling. Use simple words and fix typos like 'improverished' and 'subsidiaries'.
lexical resource
Give a precise and relevant example and show how it supports your point.
strength
Clear view against the prompt, shows you disagree.
strength
Use of linking words to show the order of points.
strength
Gives examples and notes on good effects for society.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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