IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a common belief that planting
trees
Use synonyms
 in open spaces,
such
Linking Words
 as towns and cities, has a more vital role than building more accommodations for citizens. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because of the environmental and
health
Use synonyms
 benefits
trees
Use synonyms
 can bring to local people,
along with
Linking Words
 their other functions.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
trees
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial for the environment and
thus
Linking Words
 the
health
Use synonyms
 of dwellers than constructing more houses. Cities are often contaminated by dust, ash and toxic gases from traffic vehicles and industrial activities. Leaves of
trees
Use synonyms
 can capture carbon dioxide, the main pollutant, and release oxygen;
therefore
Linking Words
, they have a vital role in reducing air pollution in cities.
In addition
Linking Words
, the harmful atmosphere of towns can
also
Linking Words
 lead to several
health
Use synonyms
 problems,
for example
Linking Words
, asthma-related diseases or even lung cancer
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 indigenous people.
As a result
Linking Words
, minimising air pollution
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 means decreasing the risk of
health
Use synonyms
 issues as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, greenery
also
Linking Words
 plays a key role in boosting
overall
Linking Words
 productivity, as
trees
Use synonyms
 are used for many other purposes in residents' real lives. Most of the necessary household equipment is made from wood,
for instance
Linking Words
, tables, chairs, shelves, etc. Even the most ubiquitous item, paper, is derived from log
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and in some countries, their currency is basically paper.
Consequently
Linking Words
, nurturing more
trees
Use synonyms
 can result in better job productivity and ensure the country's economy operates well. In conclusion, as
trees
Use synonyms
 are advantageous in terms of environment,
health
Use synonyms
 and productivity, planting more of them can be of great value to the inhabitants living in towns.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that more greenery needs to be planted
instead
Linking Words
 of constructing housing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Be clear in the first paragraph. say your main idea or view and keep it in mind in the next paragraphs.
content
Stick to the topic. Do not add ideas that do not help your view about trees and homes.
content
Give one simple example for each main idea and explain it in one or two lines.
language
Use short, plain words and small sentences to be easy to read.
coherence
Use simple links like also, but, so to join ideas and make the listen flow.
strength
The essay shows a clear view and a stance.
structure
Intro, body, and conclusion are used in order.
coherence
Ideas are arranged in some clear order.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: