IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph show the participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparisons where releavnt .

This
Linking Words
 graph illustrates the information about the participation of
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 in sports in Australia in 2014. The data are given in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the ratio of
boys
Use synonyms
in participating
Correct word order
participating in
show examples
 the Football
game
Use synonyms
 was high, which is around 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 have
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 ratio in
this
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in playing Netball,
Use synonyms
boys
Check wording
boys'
show examples
 participation
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lowest
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 2%.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in
basketball
Add a comma
basketball,
show examples
 the ratio of fun activity of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost equal, which was approximately 8% and 7%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, swimming was the
second-higest
Correct your spelling
second-highest
 favourite
game
Use synonyms
 in Australia in which
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 were
equaly
Correct your spelling
equally
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
.
In Addition
Linking Words
, there were some teenagers who did not
taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part in games
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 interest in other activities. Eventually, it is clear from the above data
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that football was the
Use synonyms
boys
Check wording
boys'
show examples
 favourite
game
Use synonyms
 and netball was the
Use synonyms
girls
Check wording
girls'
show examples
 favourite
game
Use synonyms
 in 2014.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, boys, game with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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